It's been years since I wrote on this blog. Today something happened that I felt like was important enough to share more publicly and still has some relevance to three years of being a coach for gotr.
My oldest daughter Ruth asked to come with me to watch me fight in a tournament in NYC. At first I thought she was under the impression that this would be some grand sight seeing trip but she made it clear today coming to watch me fight was her main objective.
There are battles we all face daily in our lives and today I had to face a few. My daughter witnessed me first hand doing something I hate to do, weight cutting. I was diagnosed with Bronchitis just 2 1/2 days before the Jiujitsu tournament. This meant I had to be on meds to help with my breathing this week and even today I was not 100%. So when we got to the venue I checked my weight to see that I was 3 lbs over my limit. I pulled on my sweats and started running for almost an hour total trying to shed of those last pounds that aren't usually there. The meds cause water retention. Sigh
But I made it, with 30 minutes and half a pound to spare.
Ruth is the greatest fan ever. She was motivating me, stood by my side, and filmed me today. That kid deserves all the credit for my success.
And today I got to do something that will forever stick in her mind. She watched me go to my competitor that I beat and chat with her offering her words of encouragement. I even introduced her to Ruth at one point.
Ruth also learned what the meaning of being a poor sport and good sport means.
In my last match today my competitor beat me fairly. It showed me an area in my training that I had overlooked and taken for granted. She watched as my coach corrected me and I said that I made a mistake and he encouraged me by saying, it isn't a mistake but an opportunity to learn and be better prepared.
I was thankful that she was sheilded by the crowd by what my competitor chose to do and say to me after the match.
To see people filled with such hatred towards a person, amazes me some days. I felt thankful for some of my gotr lessons "stop, listen, think, respond".
As the woman yelled inches away from my face, I did this; stop, listen to my inner voice (I am to tired to deal with this I just want to hug my kid) think (alright I am just going to walk on this direction...yep this way should work) respond to person with simple: "ok".
I didn't feel angry, or hateful, or hurt really. I honestly just wanted to go hug my kid and drink some Gatorade.
I got a little spun up about it after I walked away and it sunk in just what had happened but it was something that happened with my daughter later that made all the difference.
When I got on the stand to get my second place medal, she was beaming at me with pride. I can't tell you how that was the best feeling in the world knowing how proud my kid was to be there with me.
She even asked if I would take a picture with her by the first place podium do that she could take it to school with the medal to show off during her week to be "star of the week" (like big kid show and tell)
In the car ride home later she tells me something that stunned me beyond words and into tears.
"Mommy, why when they took pictures of you didn't that woman let you stand on the first place podium with her when she brought the other girls up. Why did she leave you out? "
I stared at her and explained some people just hold a lot of anger in their hearts and it is always best that we are good sports no matter how someone else treats us and whether we win or lose.
She explains that when she saw that happen she started getting upset that someone would do that to me and how she stopped herself from crying when I looked over at her and smiled and waved and I didn't look upset.
The biggest wins in my life are not the medals or awards I get myself. It's in the moments that my daughters learn life lessons that will help them become the amazing young women I hope for them to be some day.
The words that were screamed in my face will fade from my memory but the look in my daughter's eyes and the words from her heart of how proud she was to be with me and that I am her mom, will live with me forever.
Someday maybe those who harbour such deep rooted hatred of me will fade and they will find peace in their hearts to move on. Hatred is not something I am built to sustain. It is destructive and takes away the parts of me today make me who I am.
I chose to listen to that positive girls on the run cord that I plugged into so many years ago and spread that energy to others.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
AwesomeSauce
23 girls is crazy to coach. I mean, what was I thinking...how did I think this was a good idea?
Then today happens. I mean, today of all days happens.
I am a government contractor and for the past few months have been through it all including seeing my job on the line. To be honest I dragged my feet on coaching this season. I wanted to quit cause I didn't think I could manage the schedule anymore and still keep my job. But I promised my daughter for two years that I would be her coach. I try not to break promises to my kid.
Thankfully the coaches, parents, and school have been supportive where my ability to be motivated had been lacking.
Today's lesson: positive self speak.
"Oh great, my least favorite lesson". Yeah...this is my least favorite lesson. I mean, hold on before you all misunderstand. It is a great lesson but emotionally it is draining as a parent and coach. You have to ask the girls to give their negative self talk, tell us what they hear. And it kills me cause if you as a parent could hear the things they say they have heard, it would break your hearts. One truly beautiful girl admitted that people tell her she isn't very pretty.
Silence
Can you hear it?
That is my heart breaking. When I say this girl is beautiful, I mean it, she looks just gorgeous. Like she should be on posters, tv, movies.
Yeah...I hate this lesson only because I can't stand to think of my own daughter saying these things. As a matter of fact I sent her with the other coach just so she felt like she could really open up and not be pressured by me.
So, sometimes, it is the little things. You know, sometimes we are so overwhelmed by our own lives we miss that small moment, almost life changing.
And the quietest girl for the past year, the one girl who didn't even want to say her name out loud on the first day did something I had almost given up on. She spoke, at will, to give her input. I literally teared up. Still brings me to tears. I never thought she would ever speak up on her own. Don't get me wrong, she isn't unhappy, she smiles and she chats with friends. But to just willingly volunteer to answer a question, I didn't expect it.
Wow...I was over the moon.
So, because this sounds like this blog started mildly depressing to start I want to switch gears.
We met the other half of the team for running practice. I was stoked. Until I realized we didn't have beads for our lap counters. AAHHHHH.
Thank goodness I have seen the other coaches pictures of practices. #idea
Markers in hand and creative minds at work, for every lap the girls ran they got a new letter. Till it spelled out "Be Positive" on one arm. Girls ran so fast that we needed more letters. And as they ran around one of the girls said her positive statement "I am awesome sauce!" So the new word for their second arm was awesome sauce.
I loved it, the girls ran, skipped, danced, sang and we saw them all lighting up as they said more and more positive affirmations. Shoot, the coaches caught the bug.
And then a very special moment happened. After practice I sometimes help some of the kids get home. Two particular girls got a ride from me today.
I thanked the girls for coming out to practice and being a part of the team. As a matter of fact, one of the girls was my biggest motivation to attempting two teams cause I watched her grow so much last year and I wanted her back cause I wanted her to continue her journey.
As she got of the car tonight she popped her head back in and said, "Coach Jillianne, you are doing a really good job as a coach. Thanks for being there for us".
Yeah....to all you fools reading this, instead of out there trying to make the world a better place, this was worth all the crazy. You are missing out.
I am just so happy. I am seriously motivated. I feel like I did when I first started and couldn't wait to coach. Tonight I am sitting here trying to come up with ideas and pans for Monday already. Excited to set that team of girls again.
I can't even concentrate, I am so excited. I always am excited to coach. But this season had been so amazing. And I feel like a brand new coach again.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Accomplishment
I obviously coach, that was the start of this blog was to document the journey of a new coach from the beginning of her adventures of starting with Girls on the Run. There are bits and peices that people can learn about me through out the different blogs. Some days I am stressed, you can see it in some of my writings, and some days I am overjoyed. Being a coach hasn't always been easy. I appreciate what teachers do so much more, and truly believe they are underpaid.
I have found so much joy being there and getting to learn so much about myself and these children. I like sometimes looking back at a blog and thinking, wow, that was a rough day, but shoot, we made it through that, I can make it through anything.
This season has proven interesting with new challenges. Strange parents, yep, totally calling it as I see it, but there are some strange people out there that I have to sometimes communicate with. I have actually had some injuries this year, not usually caused at practice but still, things I have had to work around. My own insane schedule, I may have taken on too much/overloaded myself a bit and it is being remedied.
So for the first time I have finally let help come to me. It is scary, to let go and let someone help me and let them have a little control, but I needed to let this happen because my functioning as a person has been dwindling.
In all this time, I had to step back a little from training myself to focus on one thing, the most important event personally for me in a long time. The Army Ten Miler (ATM).
So why is the ATM and GotR connected? I wanted to teach the girls just what you can do when you push yourself and keep moving forward towards your goal. I also wanted them to feel somehow connected to my own race.
Two weeks ago I ran the Baltimore half marathon with two of my training coaches (ie-these women push me to be better and stronger). They were awesome considering that they came out in 40 degree weather to run 13.1 miles and they even smiled a bit at the end. It is still very strange to be to run in a race and have friends in the same race.
I realized though that I didn't represent GotR this entire year in any of my races. Seriously, I even did the Iron Girl Triathlon and I didn't wear a GotR shirt, hat, nothing....seriously?!?!
These girls and this program are the reason I changed my life and started working so hard. What was wrong with me. And now as I head into my last big race of the year, I realize, this is my last chance.
I had a race shirt that I got from Solemates that has a big huge GotR logo on the front and on the back it says "Go to your Happy Pace!". It is white, it fits some what awkardly, but it would have to work. On Wednesday of last week I encouraged the girls to run hard and they could help me decorate the shirt with color and sayings to motivate anyone who could read it.
The shirt was beautiful. Honestly, they did a great job, they came up with some really whacky and funny things, and I loved it.
So last week I got dressed in my newly decorated shirt, put on my Garmin watch (given to me by GotR for my contribution to fundraising this past summer), and I ditched the ipod instead to sing a tune in my own head and repeat the things these girls and my own daughters had said to me to inspire me, including, Coach Jillianne, just run really fast!.
My goal that I set at the beginning of the year was 8 min miles for this entire race. I had never run faster than 10 min. miles for this race so this was a lofty goal. And now I was ditching the music that I had come to love.
Funny thing though, I didn't miss the music. I quite enjoyed running without it. I felt like I was racing again. I felt driven and strong. I was with my thoughts, words, and own songs of choice. I could hear the cheering of people calling out to their family and friends in the race and have pleasant conversations with people who were willing to communicate.
I remembered why I loved running so much. That absolute inner peace and perfect runner's high, you get no where else than on the road.
And my favorite part was all the people who ran to catch up to me just to tell me how much they loved my shirt, and how it had helped them to run and finish. How many people when they saw the front asked me about Girls on the Run and I got to encourage more people to look it up. People from all over the USA were are this race.
So you ask yourself, did this crazy coach actually acheive her goal? Technically no. I ran the race in 1:21. basically I ran the race in 8:06 / mile pace. But I was darn close! Close enough to say it counts.
As I coached this week, I was full of joy. I looked down on the faces that have helped to inspire my own journey to become a runner again and that has inspired my friends, family and even my own daughter to take up running or fitness in general. I
I have found so much joy being there and getting to learn so much about myself and these children. I like sometimes looking back at a blog and thinking, wow, that was a rough day, but shoot, we made it through that, I can make it through anything.
This season has proven interesting with new challenges. Strange parents, yep, totally calling it as I see it, but there are some strange people out there that I have to sometimes communicate with. I have actually had some injuries this year, not usually caused at practice but still, things I have had to work around. My own insane schedule, I may have taken on too much/overloaded myself a bit and it is being remedied.
So for the first time I have finally let help come to me. It is scary, to let go and let someone help me and let them have a little control, but I needed to let this happen because my functioning as a person has been dwindling.
In all this time, I had to step back a little from training myself to focus on one thing, the most important event personally for me in a long time. The Army Ten Miler (ATM).
So why is the ATM and GotR connected? I wanted to teach the girls just what you can do when you push yourself and keep moving forward towards your goal. I also wanted them to feel somehow connected to my own race.
Two weeks ago I ran the Baltimore half marathon with two of my training coaches (ie-these women push me to be better and stronger). They were awesome considering that they came out in 40 degree weather to run 13.1 miles and they even smiled a bit at the end. It is still very strange to be to run in a race and have friends in the same race.
I realized though that I didn't represent GotR this entire year in any of my races. Seriously, I even did the Iron Girl Triathlon and I didn't wear a GotR shirt, hat, nothing....seriously?!?!
These girls and this program are the reason I changed my life and started working so hard. What was wrong with me. And now as I head into my last big race of the year, I realize, this is my last chance.
I had a race shirt that I got from Solemates that has a big huge GotR logo on the front and on the back it says "Go to your Happy Pace!". It is white, it fits some what awkardly, but it would have to work. On Wednesday of last week I encouraged the girls to run hard and they could help me decorate the shirt with color and sayings to motivate anyone who could read it.
The shirt was beautiful. Honestly, they did a great job, they came up with some really whacky and funny things, and I loved it.
So last week I got dressed in my newly decorated shirt, put on my Garmin watch (given to me by GotR for my contribution to fundraising this past summer), and I ditched the ipod instead to sing a tune in my own head and repeat the things these girls and my own daughters had said to me to inspire me, including, Coach Jillianne, just run really fast!.
My goal that I set at the beginning of the year was 8 min miles for this entire race. I had never run faster than 10 min. miles for this race so this was a lofty goal. And now I was ditching the music that I had come to love.
Funny thing though, I didn't miss the music. I quite enjoyed running without it. I felt like I was racing again. I felt driven and strong. I was with my thoughts, words, and own songs of choice. I could hear the cheering of people calling out to their family and friends in the race and have pleasant conversations with people who were willing to communicate.
I remembered why I loved running so much. That absolute inner peace and perfect runner's high, you get no where else than on the road.
And my favorite part was all the people who ran to catch up to me just to tell me how much they loved my shirt, and how it had helped them to run and finish. How many people when they saw the front asked me about Girls on the Run and I got to encourage more people to look it up. People from all over the USA were are this race.
So you ask yourself, did this crazy coach actually acheive her goal? Technically no. I ran the race in 1:21. basically I ran the race in 8:06 / mile pace. But I was darn close! Close enough to say it counts.
As I coached this week, I was full of joy. I looked down on the faces that have helped to inspire my own journey to become a runner again and that has inspired my friends, family and even my own daughter to take up running or fitness in general. I
Friday, October 12, 2012
Let the madness begin
Its hectic being a single mom some days. I mean, think about it, I work all day, come home and have to make sure the kids have done their homework, that they get a little attention and love, and dinner and bed, and cleaning, and everything else! Then you add on the stress of my own needs to take care of and being a woman like myself who is never satisified with just sitting around, I feel the need to make myself a little better each day. Whether I learn something new, push myself a little harder, or help someone who needs it.
I do all that and I started tutoring math students a few months ago. I started training in Brazilian Jujitsu and recently competing (more on that in a minute). I race in local races, trying to work on my times and hopefully one day acheive the status to be invited to run on a team of elite runners (we can all dream). Sometimes I even have a social life.
I have seasons and I am deep into the beginning of race season and competition (Jujitsu) season. I also am coaching this season and I took on new projects at work hoping to one day get a promotion.
And I wonder to myself some days how I do it all. I am sitting here on the eve of the Baltimore half marathon, I just competed in my first ever grappling match a couple of weeks ago, and I still am trying to figure out how to fit everything in next week and hopefully manage to do a load of laundry.
No wonder I almost never sleep.
And sometimes it affects my coaching, my parentings, and my friendships when I become overwhelmed. I lost patience more easily and I dislike it when things get that way for myself.
However, I love how perceptive children are. Sometimes even my own kids do this but I have noticed over the past couple of weeks a great few things.
5th graders-they are really stepping up and taking on leadership of their team mates. Helping them to understand the way things work, and being there for each other. They push their team mates to run harder, move forward and have a more positive attitude.
So to my fifth graders-that are growing up so fast, I hope one day you see what your parents, teachers, and myself all see in you, a wonderful and bright future with no end of possibilities to what you can acheive. I thank you for all making every practice worth dragging my tired butt too and hope that in some way I have positively affected your lives.
I do all that and I started tutoring math students a few months ago. I started training in Brazilian Jujitsu and recently competing (more on that in a minute). I race in local races, trying to work on my times and hopefully one day acheive the status to be invited to run on a team of elite runners (we can all dream). Sometimes I even have a social life.
I have seasons and I am deep into the beginning of race season and competition (Jujitsu) season. I also am coaching this season and I took on new projects at work hoping to one day get a promotion.
And I wonder to myself some days how I do it all. I am sitting here on the eve of the Baltimore half marathon, I just competed in my first ever grappling match a couple of weeks ago, and I still am trying to figure out how to fit everything in next week and hopefully manage to do a load of laundry.
No wonder I almost never sleep.
And sometimes it affects my coaching, my parentings, and my friendships when I become overwhelmed. I lost patience more easily and I dislike it when things get that way for myself.
However, I love how perceptive children are. Sometimes even my own kids do this but I have noticed over the past couple of weeks a great few things.
5th graders-they are really stepping up and taking on leadership of their team mates. Helping them to understand the way things work, and being there for each other. They push their team mates to run harder, move forward and have a more positive attitude.
So to my fifth graders-that are growing up so fast, I hope one day you see what your parents, teachers, and myself all see in you, a wonderful and bright future with no end of possibilities to what you can acheive. I thank you for all making every practice worth dragging my tired butt too and hope that in some way I have positively affected your lives.
Friday, September 21, 2012
WE BEGIN!!!
We only had one day of practice this week. Woohoo, and wouldn't you know, I got sick for the first time in 6 months I got sick. And not just anything, but full on head cold/flu like symptoms.
I am sure it makes me a bad coach in some regards that I doped up on dayquil and caffeine and went to practice anyways.
I wasn't going to miss it though, no way no how. I never miss a practice. I have not missed one yet no matter how sick or hurt or tired or busy I am I have never missed a practice.
I couldn't help that my patience was a bit shorter than normal though. Sorry girls who may one day in the future read this. I tried my best to be super fun and happy, but coach Jillianne was struggling with a migraine like headache and a nose full of snot.
Anyhow, it was intro day. Its how we always start the season. And I am being faced with a new challenge this season. The returning girls.
I love them to death, I really do and I want them to return because I think they have so much to offer and they learn a little bit more each season too. However, they are 'know it alls'. So I have to figure out how to deal with that now. Last spring this was a problem but I finally was able to get the girls to kind of cooperate. This season it is even harder. I have girls that have been a part of this program now in their 5th season! So that is probably what I will be address the most through this season's blogs. How I learn to conquer this problem. Also, the shy girl syndrome. I have at least 2 if not 3 girls who are super shy and definitely going to struggle to speak up. I hate putting them on the spot because I remember how I felt when I was young and had to be put in front of my peers. It was my worst nightmare. I was always afraid of being laughed at and these girls, it is the same for them. But I can't let them go through the season completely silent. I eventually break through all of them but you might hear my stories geared more towards that.
And of course-there are the surly fifth graders who have all the knowledge and Pre-puberty hormones to make them just difficult enough to work with but they are in place for being able to be great leaders of the group I have at least one pegged that is going to be a great asset, now if I can just get the other group to each see their roll and take on being leaders as opposed to independent entities, we will have a wonderful team dynamic as we do every season.
I did however, do something new. I decided that addressing the whole team when one girl is acting out isn't going to work anymore. However, I don't like singling a girl out during practice and taking away time from the others. So at the end of practice I pull the girls that need a little direction to the side and have a positive building session with them. For instance, instead of saying-please don't scream constantly when you are excited, it makes me want to pull my hair out, i instead address the excitable individual with the following:
I love how much energy and excitement you have. It really is great to have someone so happy to be here and someone who is willing to work so hard at being the best she can be. What I want you to do is focus as much of that energy on being the best runner that you can and being a great team mate to your friends. Its OK to get excited but lets see if we can find another way to show our excitement so that we make more friends rather than pushing people away. Maybe we can do a hand clapping or a little dance.
-yes...dancing can be distracting but it is so much better than a shrill scream.
Kids ultimately want to make you proud, right? So lets see if I can work from that angle and have them work for my respect and admiration instead of out of fear of being punished. They get punished enough in life, I want to be a positive role model that they want to earn my respect from.
So here goes folks...one week down, a little over 9 more to go! And many adventures in between.
I am sure it makes me a bad coach in some regards that I doped up on dayquil and caffeine and went to practice anyways.
I wasn't going to miss it though, no way no how. I never miss a practice. I have not missed one yet no matter how sick or hurt or tired or busy I am I have never missed a practice.
I couldn't help that my patience was a bit shorter than normal though. Sorry girls who may one day in the future read this. I tried my best to be super fun and happy, but coach Jillianne was struggling with a migraine like headache and a nose full of snot.
Anyhow, it was intro day. Its how we always start the season. And I am being faced with a new challenge this season. The returning girls.
I love them to death, I really do and I want them to return because I think they have so much to offer and they learn a little bit more each season too. However, they are 'know it alls'. So I have to figure out how to deal with that now. Last spring this was a problem but I finally was able to get the girls to kind of cooperate. This season it is even harder. I have girls that have been a part of this program now in their 5th season! So that is probably what I will be address the most through this season's blogs. How I learn to conquer this problem. Also, the shy girl syndrome. I have at least 2 if not 3 girls who are super shy and definitely going to struggle to speak up. I hate putting them on the spot because I remember how I felt when I was young and had to be put in front of my peers. It was my worst nightmare. I was always afraid of being laughed at and these girls, it is the same for them. But I can't let them go through the season completely silent. I eventually break through all of them but you might hear my stories geared more towards that.
And of course-there are the surly fifth graders who have all the knowledge and Pre-puberty hormones to make them just difficult enough to work with but they are in place for being able to be great leaders of the group I have at least one pegged that is going to be a great asset, now if I can just get the other group to each see their roll and take on being leaders as opposed to independent entities, we will have a wonderful team dynamic as we do every season.
I did however, do something new. I decided that addressing the whole team when one girl is acting out isn't going to work anymore. However, I don't like singling a girl out during practice and taking away time from the others. So at the end of practice I pull the girls that need a little direction to the side and have a positive building session with them. For instance, instead of saying-please don't scream constantly when you are excited, it makes me want to pull my hair out, i instead address the excitable individual with the following:
I love how much energy and excitement you have. It really is great to have someone so happy to be here and someone who is willing to work so hard at being the best she can be. What I want you to do is focus as much of that energy on being the best runner that you can and being a great team mate to your friends. Its OK to get excited but lets see if we can find another way to show our excitement so that we make more friends rather than pushing people away. Maybe we can do a hand clapping or a little dance.
-yes...dancing can be distracting but it is so much better than a shrill scream.
Kids ultimately want to make you proud, right? So lets see if I can work from that angle and have them work for my respect and admiration instead of out of fear of being punished. They get punished enough in life, I want to be a positive role model that they want to earn my respect from.
So here goes folks...one week down, a little over 9 more to go! And many adventures in between.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
10 Days and counting
Well, technically its more like 13 days for me till the start of a fall season full of fun and adventure with a new team of girls.
It will be strange knowing that I wont see some of the girls because they are in middle school this year AND I am going to have a new crew of cute little 3rd graders. I am over the moon with excitement.
Even more so since I found out yesterday that without me even going to the school, advertising, emailing, or any kind of heads up to the families of where I coach, I pretty much already have a full team.
I of course have the book that I follow as much as I can because sometimes we have to adjust for indoor since outdoors in the fall can be full of cold and wet days. But I have been creative this summer with coming up with workout routines through lots of reading, working out with other people, and my own training.
Before any parents or professional trainers panic, I do not bring weights in and have my girls doing bench presses or anything crazy. But an exercise like a mountain climber or sit ups can be great if done correctly with kids. I am really particular about watching for form and even more excited to hopefully bring in some guest coaches again this fall and letting them take part in warming the girls up or even helping teach lessons to the girls. The girls like the change of pace from the normal faces they see.
So I am armed with some healthy snack ideas, I am ready for inclement weather, I have tools to help push the girls both in their physical training and hopefully in their well being exercises (ie learning to tune into the right message).
So lets get it on!!!
I am no longer the new coach on the block. So as I develop writing about my coaching, I am hoping to find ways to offer bits of advice through the season for other coaches. I have learned so much from other coaches from ideas of how to keep the girls entertained on a rainy day to ways to discipline without having to single someone out or express anger.
Keep Moving Forward.
It will be strange knowing that I wont see some of the girls because they are in middle school this year AND I am going to have a new crew of cute little 3rd graders. I am over the moon with excitement.
Even more so since I found out yesterday that without me even going to the school, advertising, emailing, or any kind of heads up to the families of where I coach, I pretty much already have a full team.
I of course have the book that I follow as much as I can because sometimes we have to adjust for indoor since outdoors in the fall can be full of cold and wet days. But I have been creative this summer with coming up with workout routines through lots of reading, working out with other people, and my own training.
Before any parents or professional trainers panic, I do not bring weights in and have my girls doing bench presses or anything crazy. But an exercise like a mountain climber or sit ups can be great if done correctly with kids. I am really particular about watching for form and even more excited to hopefully bring in some guest coaches again this fall and letting them take part in warming the girls up or even helping teach lessons to the girls. The girls like the change of pace from the normal faces they see.
So I am armed with some healthy snack ideas, I am ready for inclement weather, I have tools to help push the girls both in their physical training and hopefully in their well being exercises (ie learning to tune into the right message).
So lets get it on!!!
I am no longer the new coach on the block. So as I develop writing about my coaching, I am hoping to find ways to offer bits of advice through the season for other coaches. I have learned so much from other coaches from ideas of how to keep the girls entertained on a rainy day to ways to discipline without having to single someone out or express anger.
Keep Moving Forward.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Words will never do Justice-For I am Iron Girl
I don't know if many people will truly understand quite how amazing it was that I finished the Columbia Iron Girl Triathlon. Yes, it is hard for everyone, and so many people have so many battles they have had to overcome to complete this goal. Weight, time, injury, sickness, money etc....
I wonder how many of them had nightmares of drowning in the lake, the very first event of the Triathlon.
I often don't tell people my greatest fears, but I will most definitely say, I was legitimately scared of drowning. I mean, afraid of fish is one thing, and boy did I scream when that first peice of seaweed wrapped around me leg...but wait...let me back up and start, from the beginning. And let me warn you, this might be a bit long since it is a wrap up of an entire day, which starts early...really early.
3am: I start having nightmares. I start waking up constantly afraid I have overslept, really gotten lost trying to find the course, or worse, getting there and having no gear. What a horrible last hour of sleep. Thankfully, I did go to bed at 9 pm so at least the first 6 hours of sleep were good.
4am: First alarm goes off and I sit in bed staring at facebook on my phone. I have no desire to leave the safety of my bed.
420 am: I am reminded that I need to get moving and get out the door.
445 am: dog pee's in living room (you needed to know that right!?)
5 am: out the door, shaking as I hold my bags, hoping I didn't forget anything too important.
5:15 am: It is pitch black, and there are hundreds of people at the park. I am trying to maintain calm as I get my body marked and walk towards my bike. I get there to find...My bike is indeed where I racked it and the tires did not go flat overnight.
6 am: I help set up the Girls on the Run Tent. And play on Facebook and Twitter, probably driving all my friends and family crazy.
7:30 am: I read one of my last messages before I turn off my phone from someone who knows that I am starting to panic. I had just posted a picture of me smiling but unfortunately I can't fool him, he knows I am shaking to my core. Thankfully, he said exactly what I needed to hear because without those words I literally might have not made it through...the swim.
7:50 am: I am standing with about 100 women with dayglo orange swim caps on, and I start shaking visibly so hard that two women grab me and start instructing me to start breathing. Not a lot of time to recover because they start pulling me by the arms to take me into the water.
Want to know my great fear? That my asthma along with the absolute panic that I am feeling are going to manifest into a full fledged attack. I can swim, but I am not a strong swimmer. I make no lies about that. But I had not prepared myself for a few things. I knew that it was going to be hard swimming in open water with all those people around me, I had no clue what it would feel like when I got smacked in the head and pushed under the water to swallow a gallon of our famous goose poo lake. I can't explain how frustrating it is to look at a buoy and think it looks like it is actually getting further away! And then the nightmare. My leg cramped and sank underneath me. I started panicking to look for anything to grab onto. Started to float on my back, anything to try and keep my head above water. Finally before I thought, omg, I am going to be that woman that has to get rescued by the volunteer divers, I saw a kayak. I did what felt like a hobbled like swim to get to the kayak and hoped I could pull the charlie horse out.
No such luck and I started to hyperventalate. The guy on the kayak was calling for the rescue crew for another lady and I heard him say, I might have a second one with an orange cap. I get frantic...it's come down to months of training, living my life around this, and now, they might pull me out of the water, before I even get a change to bike.. let alone RUN!
"Sir, how much further till the end?"
Dude considers answering and finally says, "if you think you can do it, just two more buoys and you are home free".
And I remember the words my friend said, the last message I read before I turned off my phone,
"Where most people are going to love the swim and you might struggle through it, remember that they are dreading running, where you will just be doing a warm up compared to what you can do".
I wanted to run so badly and that is what pushed me off that boat. I went to a freestyle stroke that used all arm strength with the occasional one legged kick, because my left leg was completely useless in the water at this point. It was sloppy looking, but it didn't matter because now all I kept saying is, "I JUST WANT TO RUN!!!"
8:37 am: I get out of the lake and I see Maura, one of the Girls on the Run coordinators in her bright orange shirt cheering my name. Thanks for that. And glad no one saw what happened next but I feel the need to share because people should understand how hard this can be for a person to go through not just physically but emotionally.
I reach my bike in lightening speed, and start to gear up. I am almost holding my breath until I hear the women around me talking about what a nice swim it was. And I crumble. I start bawling my eyes out and want to collapse. The pain in my left calf is searing into my whole body. Almost giving me the shakes. And I realize at that moment, that I really was scared of going under and that it took every bit of will power to get me out of that water and every word of encouragement that people sent me over the days before. I thought so many days before, this is so nice, all the things these people are saying, but I bet none of them knew how much I committed things to memory. Things they posted on my facebook wall, phone calls, and texts all telling me they believed in me. Because let me tell you, I sure as heck wasn't feeling full of a lot of belief in that moment.
Shaking I put on my bike gloves and thought to myself...I am almost there, almost to the run. I just need to get my feet on the ground again.
8:42 : I mount the bike. I only needed to go about 100 feet before the rush of the wind on my face made me realize that everything was going to be ok. The pain in my legs was real, but my resolve was stronger now. I start flying down the first hill and I realize that the fear of crashing is something I am not so worried about anymore. I am so elated to be out of the lake that I start singing to the women as I pass them. Yep, I am pretty sure I was that lady on the course that drove everyone nuts. But I promised myself I would not stop pedaling until I got back to the finish. And it was a beautiful ride. I met people, chatted when they let me, pushed up every hill, never getting off to walk, and rode my bike faster and further than I think I ever have. I can understand the thrill and obsession bikers face with nice long rides. It is really quite wonderful seeing so much of the scenery and still being able to get exercise.
One lady even made fun of me, said I looked like I was just out for a Sunday Stroll because I was so relaxed while eating my Jelly Bellies.
9:55 I pull up to Centennial Lane and I hear familiar voices calling my name. Its my best friend Bryan, my sister Beth, and her daughter Sophia. My heart soared. I knew Bryan would be there, he promised to come cheer me on, but I didn't think he would be at the bike area as I rounded my last turn. I didn't know my sister and neice would be there. My smile was huge as I dismounted and started ripping off gear while running with my bike. I threw my bike on the rack and dropped everything on the ground and sprinted out the gate. Transition time=1 minute . I wasn't joking, I couldn't wait to start running. I apparently was so fast that my cheering crew missed getting to see me go out the running gate.
And while I can run a 7:30 mile pace, I was aware that was going to prove to be impossible after everything I had done. I was shooting for 10 min pace. But seeing those people, that I care for so much cheering for me, I ended up pushing 9:15 pace for 3.5 miles.
The things you never experience as a runner, became amazingly evident this time to me. Severe muscle cramps to the point that my legs would start shaking in pain. You could see the cramping in my legs. But I was in my element, and I refused to think about the swim anymore and what it had done to my legs, I refused to think of the fact that I had a knee that swelled over the 17.5 mile bike ride. I just loved being back where I belonged. hitting the pavement hard with my bright pink shoes. And knowing that I was getting closer to the finish with each and every step.
I have an uncanny gift for being able to talk/sing out loud while I run no matter how tired and I was cheering on the women left and right as I passed them.
10:25 am: the pink finish line is visible. And I push with all my might. My legs start locking up, I can't describe the pain that was shooting through them. I can't express how through all this I kept repeating everything people had said to me. And how that final last burst to run all the way across those blue pads was all because of the people who came to cheer me on giving me that extra boost of motivation.
And there at the end of the chute was my daughter and her friend Elizabeth and mother Jo-Ann and I even got to take a picture with the girls after they put my medal on me. Marking a moment I will hold onto forever.
Advice that I can give to anyone who wants to do a triathlon-no matter what length...Just do it. Train as best as you can, ask for help when you need it, and push, because it will be hard no matter what. You can have all the best gear in the world, and have the best trainers in the world, but when it comes down to it, I think that it comes down to the amount of heart a person has.
My heart is full and strong because so many people around me made it that way.
As for me doing this ever again. No thanks folks. It is not for me. I give credit to those women who do this regularly. I however, will not swim competitively ever again. I will do a relay team some day, as biking and running are things I feel much safer. Maybe I will do a dualathlon (run-bike-run). But I leave the triathon circuit to pursue other bucket list items. Forthcoming I am sure.
But I can say, I am proud of what I did. Because in the end I raised over $2400 for Girls on the Run! That is about $110 for every mile that I did in the Triathlon. Not bad for a day's work.
And I can't wait to share it with the girls on my team that I coach this coming Fall!
I wonder how many of them had nightmares of drowning in the lake, the very first event of the Triathlon.
I often don't tell people my greatest fears, but I will most definitely say, I was legitimately scared of drowning. I mean, afraid of fish is one thing, and boy did I scream when that first peice of seaweed wrapped around me leg...but wait...let me back up and start, from the beginning. And let me warn you, this might be a bit long since it is a wrap up of an entire day, which starts early...really early.
3am: I start having nightmares. I start waking up constantly afraid I have overslept, really gotten lost trying to find the course, or worse, getting there and having no gear. What a horrible last hour of sleep. Thankfully, I did go to bed at 9 pm so at least the first 6 hours of sleep were good.
4am: First alarm goes off and I sit in bed staring at facebook on my phone. I have no desire to leave the safety of my bed.
420 am: I am reminded that I need to get moving and get out the door.
445 am: dog pee's in living room (you needed to know that right!?)
5 am: out the door, shaking as I hold my bags, hoping I didn't forget anything too important.
5:15 am: It is pitch black, and there are hundreds of people at the park. I am trying to maintain calm as I get my body marked and walk towards my bike. I get there to find...My bike is indeed where I racked it and the tires did not go flat overnight.
6 am: I help set up the Girls on the Run Tent. And play on Facebook and Twitter, probably driving all my friends and family crazy.
7:30 am: I read one of my last messages before I turn off my phone from someone who knows that I am starting to panic. I had just posted a picture of me smiling but unfortunately I can't fool him, he knows I am shaking to my core. Thankfully, he said exactly what I needed to hear because without those words I literally might have not made it through...the swim.
7:50 am: I am standing with about 100 women with dayglo orange swim caps on, and I start shaking visibly so hard that two women grab me and start instructing me to start breathing. Not a lot of time to recover because they start pulling me by the arms to take me into the water.
Want to know my great fear? That my asthma along with the absolute panic that I am feeling are going to manifest into a full fledged attack. I can swim, but I am not a strong swimmer. I make no lies about that. But I had not prepared myself for a few things. I knew that it was going to be hard swimming in open water with all those people around me, I had no clue what it would feel like when I got smacked in the head and pushed under the water to swallow a gallon of our famous goose poo lake. I can't explain how frustrating it is to look at a buoy and think it looks like it is actually getting further away! And then the nightmare. My leg cramped and sank underneath me. I started panicking to look for anything to grab onto. Started to float on my back, anything to try and keep my head above water. Finally before I thought, omg, I am going to be that woman that has to get rescued by the volunteer divers, I saw a kayak. I did what felt like a hobbled like swim to get to the kayak and hoped I could pull the charlie horse out.
No such luck and I started to hyperventalate. The guy on the kayak was calling for the rescue crew for another lady and I heard him say, I might have a second one with an orange cap. I get frantic...it's come down to months of training, living my life around this, and now, they might pull me out of the water, before I even get a change to bike.. let alone RUN!
"Sir, how much further till the end?"
Dude considers answering and finally says, "if you think you can do it, just two more buoys and you are home free".
And I remember the words my friend said, the last message I read before I turned off my phone,
"Where most people are going to love the swim and you might struggle through it, remember that they are dreading running, where you will just be doing a warm up compared to what you can do".
I wanted to run so badly and that is what pushed me off that boat. I went to a freestyle stroke that used all arm strength with the occasional one legged kick, because my left leg was completely useless in the water at this point. It was sloppy looking, but it didn't matter because now all I kept saying is, "I JUST WANT TO RUN!!!"
8:37 am: I get out of the lake and I see Maura, one of the Girls on the Run coordinators in her bright orange shirt cheering my name. Thanks for that. And glad no one saw what happened next but I feel the need to share because people should understand how hard this can be for a person to go through not just physically but emotionally.
I reach my bike in lightening speed, and start to gear up. I am almost holding my breath until I hear the women around me talking about what a nice swim it was. And I crumble. I start bawling my eyes out and want to collapse. The pain in my left calf is searing into my whole body. Almost giving me the shakes. And I realize at that moment, that I really was scared of going under and that it took every bit of will power to get me out of that water and every word of encouragement that people sent me over the days before. I thought so many days before, this is so nice, all the things these people are saying, but I bet none of them knew how much I committed things to memory. Things they posted on my facebook wall, phone calls, and texts all telling me they believed in me. Because let me tell you, I sure as heck wasn't feeling full of a lot of belief in that moment.
Shaking I put on my bike gloves and thought to myself...I am almost there, almost to the run. I just need to get my feet on the ground again.
8:42 : I mount the bike. I only needed to go about 100 feet before the rush of the wind on my face made me realize that everything was going to be ok. The pain in my legs was real, but my resolve was stronger now. I start flying down the first hill and I realize that the fear of crashing is something I am not so worried about anymore. I am so elated to be out of the lake that I start singing to the women as I pass them. Yep, I am pretty sure I was that lady on the course that drove everyone nuts. But I promised myself I would not stop pedaling until I got back to the finish. And it was a beautiful ride. I met people, chatted when they let me, pushed up every hill, never getting off to walk, and rode my bike faster and further than I think I ever have. I can understand the thrill and obsession bikers face with nice long rides. It is really quite wonderful seeing so much of the scenery and still being able to get exercise.
One lady even made fun of me, said I looked like I was just out for a Sunday Stroll because I was so relaxed while eating my Jelly Bellies.
9:55 I pull up to Centennial Lane and I hear familiar voices calling my name. Its my best friend Bryan, my sister Beth, and her daughter Sophia. My heart soared. I knew Bryan would be there, he promised to come cheer me on, but I didn't think he would be at the bike area as I rounded my last turn. I didn't know my sister and neice would be there. My smile was huge as I dismounted and started ripping off gear while running with my bike. I threw my bike on the rack and dropped everything on the ground and sprinted out the gate. Transition time=1 minute . I wasn't joking, I couldn't wait to start running. I apparently was so fast that my cheering crew missed getting to see me go out the running gate.
And while I can run a 7:30 mile pace, I was aware that was going to prove to be impossible after everything I had done. I was shooting for 10 min pace. But seeing those people, that I care for so much cheering for me, I ended up pushing 9:15 pace for 3.5 miles.
The things you never experience as a runner, became amazingly evident this time to me. Severe muscle cramps to the point that my legs would start shaking in pain. You could see the cramping in my legs. But I was in my element, and I refused to think about the swim anymore and what it had done to my legs, I refused to think of the fact that I had a knee that swelled over the 17.5 mile bike ride. I just loved being back where I belonged. hitting the pavement hard with my bright pink shoes. And knowing that I was getting closer to the finish with each and every step.
I have an uncanny gift for being able to talk/sing out loud while I run no matter how tired and I was cheering on the women left and right as I passed them.
10:25 am: the pink finish line is visible. And I push with all my might. My legs start locking up, I can't describe the pain that was shooting through them. I can't express how through all this I kept repeating everything people had said to me. And how that final last burst to run all the way across those blue pads was all because of the people who came to cheer me on giving me that extra boost of motivation.
And there at the end of the chute was my daughter and her friend Elizabeth and mother Jo-Ann and I even got to take a picture with the girls after they put my medal on me. Marking a moment I will hold onto forever.
Advice that I can give to anyone who wants to do a triathlon-no matter what length...Just do it. Train as best as you can, ask for help when you need it, and push, because it will be hard no matter what. You can have all the best gear in the world, and have the best trainers in the world, but when it comes down to it, I think that it comes down to the amount of heart a person has.
My heart is full and strong because so many people around me made it that way.
As for me doing this ever again. No thanks folks. It is not for me. I give credit to those women who do this regularly. I however, will not swim competitively ever again. I will do a relay team some day, as biking and running are things I feel much safer. Maybe I will do a dualathlon (run-bike-run). But I leave the triathon circuit to pursue other bucket list items. Forthcoming I am sure.
But I can say, I am proud of what I did. Because in the end I raised over $2400 for Girls on the Run! That is about $110 for every mile that I did in the Triathlon. Not bad for a day's work.
And I can't wait to share it with the girls on my team that I coach this coming Fall!
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