2019 Spring 5k in Howard County

One of the most amazing events I have gotten to be a part of in my life are the spring and fall Girls on the Run 5k. I have been there in all sorts of weather conditions but recently instead of running in the event I have started volunteering as a course marshal and other duties as needed. 

I never thought it would be nearly as fulfilling as when I ran an entire team, got to be at the finish line congratulating my girls and their families, and encouraging them. But there is something so different cheering on 800+ girls and their coaches and buddy runners dressed up as a unicorn. In the winter months it was advantageous to dress up in costume because it was freezing cold out. But when it was going to be a humid 90 degree day, nothing says hot and sweaty quite like wearing a giant mascot unicorn head and jumping around and cheering for kids for an hour and a half. 

Was I tired? You bet your bottom I was. 

Was I hot and sweaty? I think I could have squeezed a gallon of sweat from my hair alone. 

Was I happy? There aren't enough words to what it meant to cheer kids on. 

It takes so little to bring joy to their lives. And for a moment or two I even made some kids believe I was full of magic by saying their names as they ran by me. They have their names on their race bibs and like most kids they forgot. There may have been a couple of kids without the named bibs that I happened to know in person so that was an extra special surprise for them. 

I wish I was so genuinely good in my heart and could say that I did this 100% for the kids out on that course and their families, but that wouldn't be quite true. There is something magical about bringing a smile to so many faces. More rewarding than almost anything else I can think of doing for someone I don't know. All the high fives, hugs, and even a few kisses on the unicorn's nose reminded me of how much I dreamed of magic and unicorns as a little girl. 

But you know those moments that live with you forever? The kind that melt your heart and remind you that there is so much good and kindness and love in the world? 

I will share mine

At the end of the event, I walked around the finish area because I remembered last time I did this that many kids wanted a picture with the unicorn before they left and I wanted to give them that opportunity. I try really hard to keep the head on when walking around so very few kids see who it really is. This allows them to think it might even be someone they know personally. 

As I was finishing up and it was mostly cleared out I finally was visiting the merchandise table to buy some much needed swag. I had removed my unicorn head because I was melting like a puddle inside and figured it was only a handful of kids left. While looking at a unicorn headband (surprise!), I felt this soft tug on my shirt and turned to see one of the last runners that had finished the event. Small tiny little girl beaming at the unicorn head in my hand. She said something softly to me and I could barely make it too but I realized she wanted me to put the unicorn head back on. I got down on my knee with the head on and she gave me a giant hug and beamed with such a happiness it was infectious. Two days later and I am still wrapped in that happy little smile of hers. 

A small thank you and agreeing to take a photo with me and she was on her way. And for that, I am ever so thankful that I get these chances to be involved in such a wonderful organization. 

Volunteer Fatigue

My friend, Katie Courtney, is an inspirational woman recently posted her thoughts about an organization that she leads and volunteer fatigue. You can find her original post here:

GRAWA President Message: 

Different strategies can help address ‘volunteer fatigue’

It got me thinking because she wrote a line about "I am just tired." and how many times I hear that from volunteers from any organization. People often join and volunteer because they feel passionate about what they are volunteering for.

A parent who is constantly filling in that roll for the PTA events

The young person who is constantly trying to make a difference in their local community

Or maybe a volunteer coach for Girls on the Run

I have personally felt the guilt myself of being tired of the volunteer gig. Waiting on yet another parent who is late picking up their kid, not understanding that I am not being paid for my time and I have my own kids I want to get to now for dinner. That kid who constantly makes my lessons difficult because they just feel some need to take over all the attention. The parent who gets mad at you for not doing something the way they would have done. The staff members at the school who seem to be more bothered by your presence than thankful for you being there.  

I have been lucky myself that since 2011 I have always had a fairly supportive group of people around me so that the one parent, student or teacher that rubs me the wrong way I can just smile and keep moving forward. 

But as we near the end of the season one of the things that I wonder is how do we lose coaches for such a wonderful program and why is it hard for some schools to get replacements? 

There are a million and one great reasons for stepping down as a coach, first of which is just that you feel its best for you for whatever your personal reasons are. I have been thankful that any time I needed to take a season off coaching that the organization has always supported me and told me they can't wait till I come back. But some people don't feel so lucky for whatever reason? 

I have known that fatigue still too, so don't think my world is all bright and shiny all the time. There are days I would sit in my car getting ready to go coach and be holding back tears because of the day I just had in my own life and trying to figure out how to pull it together for 20 little girls. There were days that I would leave feeling like I failed because the girls just didn't want to grasp anything we were working on that day. Nothing is perfect. 

Much like running though, as my friends and I cheer each other on, you will have rough days. Its how you wake up the next day and put those shoes back on and get over that crud and find a new determination to be motivated to do better. 

But how do you achieve this as a volunteer? How do we recognize this in our volunteers when the organization has grown so much. I think that I have ideas and been starting to communicate them with other coaches and especially the leads of our chapter of Girls on the Run, but would really like to hear from the coaches themselves. 

The one thing I can reiterate to a volunteer though, is that if you need to step down to recharge or pursue other interests, don't ever feel pressured that you are letting anyone down. You shouldn't continue out of obligation because then you will no longer love what you do. You should continue because you love it and it gives you joy in the end to change the lives of so many individuals. 

I would urge people to read my friend's thoughts as she really touched on some topics that I think we all sometimes overlook in our own lives. And learning to recognize volunteer fatigue is a way for use to learn how to better make this an experience that not only the kids love but we love too.

For now though, when you are feeling down, and exhausted or maybe even under appreciated, know that there are so many little faces looking up to you and they will never forget you being a part of their lives. Know that there are so many of us that appreciate the sacrifices you make to inspire young women to be there best selves. And find the little things that bring you joy from your volunteering and remind yourself why you keep showing up. Because you do make a difference. 

Sportsmanship

It's been years since I wrote on this blog. Today something happened that I felt like was important enough to share more publicly and still has some relevance to three years of being a coach for gotr.

My oldest daughter Ruth asked to come with me to watch me fight in a tournament in NYC. At first I thought she was under the impression that this would be some grand sight seeing trip but she made it clear today coming to watch me fight was her main objective.

There are battles we all face daily in our lives and today I had to face a few. My daughter witnessed me first hand doing something I hate to do, weight cutting. I was diagnosed with Bronchitis just 2 1/2 days before the Jiujitsu tournament. This meant I had to be on meds to help with my breathing this week and even today I was not 100%. So when we got to the venue I checked my weight to see that I was 3 lbs over my limit. I pulled on my sweats and started running for almost an hour total trying to shed of those last pounds that aren't usually there. The meds cause water retention. Sigh

But I made it, with 30 minutes and half a pound to spare.

Ruth is the greatest fan ever. She was motivating me, stood by my side, and filmed me today. That kid deserves all the credit for my success.

And today I got to do something that will forever stick in her mind. She watched me go to my competitor that I beat and chat with her offering her words of encouragement. I even introduced her to Ruth at one point.

Ruth also learned what the meaning of being a poor sport and good sport means.

In my last match today my competitor beat me fairly. It showed me an area in my training that I had overlooked and taken for granted. She watched as my coach corrected me and I said that I made a mistake and he encouraged me by saying, it isn't a mistake but an opportunity to learn and be better prepared.

I was thankful that she was sheilded by the crowd by what my competitor chose to do and say to me after the match.

To see people filled with such hatred towards a person, amazes me some days. I felt thankful for some of my gotr lessons "stop, listen, think, respond".

As the woman yelled inches away from my face, I did this; stop, listen to my inner voice (I am to tired to deal with this I just want to hug my kid) think (alright I am just going to walk on this direction...yep this way should work) respond to person with simple: "ok".

I didn't feel angry, or hateful, or hurt really. I honestly just wanted to go hug my kid and drink some Gatorade.

I got a little spun up about it after I walked away and it sunk in just what had happened but it was something that happened with my daughter later that made all the difference.

When I got on the stand to get my second place medal, she was beaming at me with pride. I can't tell you how that was the best feeling in the world knowing how proud my kid was to be there with me.

She even asked if I would take a picture with her by the first place podium do that she could take it to school with the medal to show off during her week to be "star of the week" (like big kid show and tell)

In the car ride home later she tells me something that stunned me beyond words and into tears.

"Mommy, why when they took pictures of you didn't that woman let you stand on the first place podium with her when she brought the other girls up. Why did she leave you out? "

I stared at her and explained some people just hold a lot of anger in their hearts and it is always best that we are good sports no matter how someone else treats us and whether we win or lose.

She explains that when she saw that happen she started getting upset that someone would do that to me and how she stopped herself from crying when I looked over at her and smiled and waved and I didn't look upset.

The biggest wins in my life are not the medals or awards I get myself. It's in the moments that my daughters learn life lessons that will help them become the amazing young women I hope for them to be some day.

The words that were screamed in my face will fade from my memory but the look in my daughter's eyes and the words from her heart of how proud she was to be with me and that I am her mom, will live with me forever.

Someday maybe those who harbour such deep rooted hatred of me will fade and they will find peace in their hearts to move on. Hatred is not something I am built to sustain. It is destructive and takes away the parts of me today make me who I am.

I chose to listen to that positive girls on the run cord that I plugged into so many years ago and spread that energy to others.

AwesomeSauce

23 girls is crazy to coach. I mean, what was I thinking...how did I think this was a good idea?

Then today happens. I mean, today of all days happens.

I am a government contractor and for the past few months have been through it all including seeing my job on the line. To be honest I dragged my feet on coaching this season. I wanted to quit cause I didn't think I could manage the schedule anymore and still keep my job. But I promised my daughter for two years that I would be her coach. I try not to break promises to my kid.

Thankfully the coaches, parents, and school have been supportive where my ability to be motivated had been lacking.

Today's lesson: positive self speak.

"Oh great, my least favorite lesson". Yeah...this is my least favorite lesson. I mean, hold on before you all misunderstand. It is a great lesson but emotionally it is draining as a parent and coach. You have to ask the girls to give their negative self talk, tell us what they hear. And it kills me cause if you as a parent could hear the things they say they have heard, it would break your hearts. One truly beautiful girl admitted that people tell her she isn't very pretty.

Silence

Can you hear it?

That is my heart breaking. When I say this girl is beautiful, I mean it, she looks just gorgeous. Like she should be on posters, tv, movies.

Yeah...I hate this lesson only because I can't stand to think of my own daughter saying these things. As a matter of fact I sent her with the other coach just so she felt like she could really open up and not be pressured by me.

So, sometimes, it is the little things. You know, sometimes we are so overwhelmed by our own lives we miss that small moment, almost life changing.

And the quietest girl for the past year, the one girl who didn't even want to say her name out loud on the first day did something I had almost given up on. She spoke, at will, to give her input. I literally teared up. Still brings me to tears. I never thought she would ever speak up on her own. Don't get me wrong, she isn't unhappy, she smiles and she chats with friends. But to just willingly volunteer to answer a question, I didn't expect it.

Wow...I was over the moon.

So, because this sounds like this blog started mildly depressing to start I want to switch gears.

We met the other half of the team for running practice. I was stoked. Until I realized we didn't have beads for our lap counters. AAHHHHH.

Thank goodness I have seen the other coaches pictures of practices. #idea

Markers in hand and creative minds at work, for every lap the girls ran they got a new letter. Till it spelled out "Be Positive" on one arm. Girls ran so fast that we needed more letters. And as they ran around one of the girls said her positive statement "I am awesome sauce!" So the new word for their second arm was awesome sauce.

I loved it, the girls ran, skipped, danced, sang and we saw them all lighting up as they said more and more positive affirmations. Shoot, the coaches caught the bug.

And then a very special moment happened. After practice I sometimes help some of the kids get home. Two particular girls got a ride from me today.

I thanked the girls for coming out to practice and being a part of the team. As a matter of fact, one of the girls was my biggest motivation to attempting two teams cause I watched her grow so much last year and I wanted her back cause I wanted her to continue her journey.

As she got of the car tonight she popped her head back in and said, "Coach Jillianne, you are doing a really good job as a coach. Thanks for being there for us".

Yeah....to all you fools reading this, instead of out there trying to make the world a better place, this was worth all the crazy. You are missing out.

I am just so happy. I am seriously motivated. I feel like I did when I first started and couldn't wait to coach. Tonight I am sitting here trying to come up with ideas and pans for Monday already. Excited to set that team of girls again.

I can't even concentrate, I am so excited. I always am excited to coach. But this season had been so amazing. And I feel like a brand new coach again.

Accomplishment

I obviously coach, that was the start of this blog was to document the journey of a new coach from the beginning of her adventures of starting with Girls on the Run.  There are bits and peices that people can learn about me through out the different blogs.  Some days I am stressed, you can see it in some of my writings, and some days I am overjoyed.  Being a coach hasn't always been easy.  I appreciate what teachers do so much more, and truly believe they are underpaid. 

I have found so much joy being there and getting to learn so much about myself and these children.  I like sometimes looking back at a blog and thinking, wow, that was a rough day, but shoot, we made it through that, I can make it through anything. 

This season has proven interesting with new challenges.  Strange parents, yep, totally calling it as I see it, but there are some strange people out there that I have to sometimes communicate with.  I have actually had some injuries this year, not usually caused at practice but still, things I have had to work around.  My own insane schedule, I may have taken on too much/overloaded myself a bit and it is being remedied.

So for the first time I have finally let help come to me.  It is scary, to let go and let someone help me and let them have a little control, but I needed to let this happen because my functioning as a person has been dwindling. 

In all this time, I had to step back a little from training myself to focus on one thing, the most important event personally for me in a long time.  The Army Ten Miler (ATM). 

So why is the ATM and GotR connected?  I wanted to teach the girls just what you can do when you push yourself and keep moving forward towards your goal.  I also wanted them to feel somehow connected to my own race. 

Two weeks ago I ran the Baltimore half marathon with two of my training coaches (ie-these women push me to be better and stronger).  They were awesome considering that they came out in 40 degree weather to run 13.1 miles and they even smiled a bit at the end.  It is still very strange to be to run in a race and have friends in the same race.

I realized though that I didn't represent GotR this entire year in any of my races.  Seriously, I even did the Iron Girl Triathlon and I didn't wear a GotR shirt, hat, nothing....seriously?!?!

These girls and this program are the reason I changed my life and started working so hard. What was wrong with me. And now as I head into my last big race of the year, I realize, this is my last chance. 

I had a race shirt that I got from Solemates that has a big huge GotR logo on the front and on the back it says "Go to your Happy Pace!".  It is white, it fits some what awkardly, but it would have to work.  On Wednesday of last week I encouraged the girls to run hard and they could help me decorate the shirt with color and sayings to motivate anyone who could read it. 

The shirt was beautiful.  Honestly, they did a great job, they came up with some really whacky and funny things, and I loved it. 

So last week I got dressed in my newly decorated shirt, put on my Garmin watch (given to me by GotR for my contribution to fundraising this past summer), and I ditched the ipod instead to sing a tune in my own head and repeat the things these girls and my own daughters had said to me to inspire me, including, Coach Jillianne, just run really fast!.

My goal that I set at the beginning of the year was 8 min miles for this entire race. I had never run faster than 10 min. miles for this race so this was a lofty goal.  And now I was ditching the music that I had come to love. 

Funny thing though, I didn't miss the music.  I quite enjoyed running without it.  I felt like I was racing again.  I felt driven and strong.  I was with my thoughts, words, and own songs of choice.  I could hear the cheering of people calling out to their family and friends in the race and have pleasant conversations with people who were willing to communicate. 

I remembered why I loved running so much.  That absolute inner peace and perfect runner's high, you get no where else than on the road. 

And my favorite part was all the people who ran to catch up to me just to tell me how much they loved my shirt, and how it had helped them to run and finish.  How many people when they saw the front asked me about Girls on the Run and I got to encourage more people to look it up. People from all over the USA were are this race.

So you ask yourself, did this crazy coach actually acheive her goal?  Technically no. I ran the race in 1:21.  basically I ran the race in 8:06 / mile pace.  But I was darn close!  Close enough to say it counts.

As I coached this week, I was full of joy.  I looked down on the faces that have helped to inspire my own journey to become a runner again and that has inspired my friends, family and even my own daughter to take up running or fitness in general.  I

Let the madness begin

Its hectic being a single mom some days.  I mean, think about it, I work all day, come home and have to make sure the kids have done their homework, that they get a little attention and love, and dinner and bed, and cleaning, and everything else!  Then you add on the stress of my own needs to take care of and being a woman like myself who is never satisified with just sitting around, I feel the need to make myself a little better each day.  Whether I learn something new, push myself a little harder, or help someone who needs it. 

I do all that and I started tutoring math students a few months ago.  I started training in Brazilian Jujitsu and recently competing (more on that in a minute).  I race in local races, trying to work on my times and hopefully one day acheive the status to be invited to run on a team of elite runners (we can all dream). Sometimes I even have a social life.

I have seasons and I am deep into the beginning of race season and competition (Jujitsu) season.  I also am coaching this season and I took on new projects at work hoping to one day get a promotion.

And I wonder to myself some days how I do it all.  I am sitting here on the eve of the Baltimore half marathon, I just competed in my first ever grappling match a couple of weeks ago, and I still am trying to figure out how to fit everything in next week and hopefully manage to do a load of laundry. 

No wonder I almost never sleep. 

And sometimes it affects my coaching, my parentings, and my friendships when I become overwhelmed.  I lost patience more easily and I dislike it when things get that way for myself. 

However, I love how perceptive children are.  Sometimes even my own kids do this but I have noticed over the past couple of weeks a great few things. 

5th graders-they are really stepping up and taking on leadership of their team mates.  Helping them to understand the way things work, and being there for each other.  They push their team mates to run harder, move forward and have a more positive attitude.

So to my fifth graders-that are growing up so fast, I hope one day you see what your parents, teachers, and myself all see in you, a wonderful and bright future with no end of possibilities to what you can acheive.  I thank you for all making every practice worth dragging my tired butt too and hope that in some way I have positively affected your lives.

WE BEGIN!!!

We only had one day of practice this week.  Woohoo, and wouldn't you know, I got sick for the first time in 6 months I got sick.  And not just anything, but full on head cold/flu like symptoms.

I am sure it makes me a bad coach in some regards that I doped up on dayquil and caffeine and went to practice anyways.

I wasn't going to miss it though, no way no how.  I never miss a practice.  I have not missed one yet no matter how sick or hurt or tired or busy I am I have never missed a practice.

I couldn't help that my patience was a bit shorter than normal though.  Sorry girls who may one day in the future read this.  I tried my best to be super fun and happy, but coach Jillianne was struggling with a migraine like headache and a nose full of snot.

Anyhow, it was intro day.  Its how we always start the season.  And I am being faced with a new challenge this season.  The returning girls.

I love them to death, I really do and I want them to return because I think they have so much to offer and they learn a little bit more each season too.  However, they are 'know it alls'.  So I have to figure out how to deal with that now.  Last spring this was a problem but I finally was able to get the girls to kind of cooperate.  This season it is even harder.  I have girls that have been a part of this program now in their 5th season!  So that is probably what I will be address the most through this season's blogs.  How I learn to conquer this problem.  Also, the shy girl syndrome.  I have at least 2 if not 3 girls who are super shy and definitely going to struggle to speak up.  I hate putting them on the spot because I remember how I felt when I was young and had to be put in front of my peers.  It was my worst nightmare.  I was always afraid of being laughed at and these girls, it is the same for them.  But I can't let them go through the season completely silent.  I eventually break through all of them but you might hear my stories geared more towards that.

And of course-there are the surly fifth graders who have all the knowledge and Pre-puberty hormones to make them just difficult enough to work with but they are in place for being able to be great leaders of the group  I have at least one pegged that is going to be a great asset, now if I can just get the other group to each see their roll and take on being leaders as opposed to independent entities, we will have a wonderful team dynamic as we do every season.

I did however, do something new.  I decided that addressing the whole team when one girl is acting out isn't going to work anymore.  However, I don't like singling a girl out during practice and taking away time from the others.  So at the end of practice I pull the girls that need a little direction to the side and have a positive building session with them.  For instance, instead of saying-please don't scream constantly when you are excited, it makes me want to pull my hair out, i instead address the excitable individual with the following:

I love how much energy and excitement you have.  It really is great to have someone so happy to be here and someone who is willing to work so hard at being the best she can be.  What I want you to do is focus as much of that energy on being the best runner that you can and being a great team mate to your friends.  Its OK to get excited but lets see if we can find another way to show our excitement so that we make more friends rather than pushing people away.  Maybe we can do a hand clapping or a little dance.

-yes...dancing can be distracting but it is so much better than a shrill scream.

Kids ultimately want to make you proud, right?  So lets see if I can work from that angle and have them work for my respect and admiration instead of out of fear of being punished.  They get punished enough in life, I want to be a positive role model that they want to earn my respect from.

So here goes folks...one week down, a little over 9 more to go!  And many adventures in between.