Folks, I have looked forward to returning to coaching. The three months off, while needed to get much of my life in order and on track and my house clean, has dragged a little without my meeting with the miniatures! So needless to say, that after weeks of stress, work, rearranging my life, and trying to wait for the cold weather to lift, I have had a bright little light getting closer over time.
Spring practice with my Girls on the Run team.
And this season I had to part with one of my assistant coaches while she takes a more background role with the program and she works on her own path for school and work, I got to bring on a new coach and friend. Of course I still got to keep Coach Lisa on board and I think she was just as excited as the girls were on the first day of practice. My new assistant coach, Alana, comes from a very similar background as me. Former military, single mom, strong, independent, oh, and did I mention she has no kids in GotR or even in the Elkridge School? Yep, I am recruiting them from all walks of life folks. But already the girls are starting to connect with her as they have with every woman that comes to be a part of our program.
So we start off with Monday, and it was around noon when I realize...Oh my goodness I have practice today and I left everything at home! Go ahead, its ok to laugh, I totally did. I had everything at my house in a bin but that was the problem, it was at my house. When I saw I had a lot going on, I mean it. I have averaged maybe 4 hours of sleep a night for the past three weeks. I do believe I am due to crash soon *looks around warily for pile of pillows
Monday is a pretty straight forward day though, Getting to know you.
And I love days like this because I get to learn all their names, crazy little tidbits about each girl, and I love how you can see their personalities. There are 14 girls on my team this season. I love even numbers, its the nerdness in me. And every girl is truly special and unique. As time goes on I am sure I will write more about the girls but for now one of my happiest moments was seeing one of the girls return for her last season. This will be her last season with Girls on the Run. She has the option to join Girls on Track next fall when she goes to middle school, but she is the only original member from the team that has been with this team every season since GotR came into existence in Howard County. If that's not dedication, I don't know what is.
Oh, and the kids wanted me to keep my original nickname from last season, Juicy Jillianne. *sighs* Meek little "yay"...I guess its better than Jiggly!
And Thursday we have lift off. We are to discuss what it means to be a GotR. So let me start with-EPIC FAIL! I swear on my life its the weather. These kids just get so excited and jittery from being indoors that the last thing they want to do is sit indoors doing a lesson. Rule #1 with coach Jillianne is treat everyone with respect.
Scoffs one girls, "Coach Jillianne, I think the respect rule is stupid"
It's shaping up to be one of those days and I smile at her and try my best to not let my drug induced semi coma'd self react inappropriately. She is only a kid. *Screams inside, if you think giving respect is stupid, then I sure as heck hope you like living life not getting any respect.
Deep breath in and out...
"Dear, you can think what you want, that is in your right to choose your behavior towards others. I however will not stand for you to be disrespectful to your friends and teammates so please sit down and try to show me that you at least care what these other girls think of you."
I thought, maybe this would be the end of it. But we start our beautiful lesson, my favorite lesson in a way because I get to say to the girls, "You are beautiful. You are smart. You are amazing." I love saying these words to the kids. I love looking at their smiles on their faces as you can see, each of them thinks, I am saying this just for them.
And wouldn't you know, my special moment, was taken away from me. By none other than all my returning girls who decided they didn't want to do this activity again and they started moaning and rolling around on the floor.
I rarely lose my cool ever with these kids. The only times I 'yell' is when I need to get their attention outside during a game or activity and I need to be loud just for necessity for them to hear me. But I never yell at a kid or the group as punishment. This has been a great gift that has started spreading into my own life teaching me to be patient with my own children. I find that they react better and try harder.
And I blame my friend Julie for teaching me the most valuable lesson that I have ever learned from her teaching experience. Telling a child how disappointed you are in them, is so much more devastating then yelling.
So in the middle of our visualization, racked with sickness, exhaustion, and feeling heartbroken that my moment is ruined I stopped and told everyone to open their eyes. I look calmly at every new girl in the eyes as I say, "What I am about to say has absolutely nothing to do with you, I want you all to know I am so very proud of how you are trying to be so patient while your teammates rudely take away the experience from you that they all got to enjoy when they were new". Suddenly there is silence because the new girls are all beaming, they know they are doing their best. And every returning runner, whether she actually was acting up or not, starts to slump in her seat. They know for sure what I am about to say next.
"Girls that are returning, I want you to know how thoroughly disappointed and hurt I am by you right now. I worked with you all last season and bragged at how I have the most amazing and darling team. And today, you made me a liar. You are not only being disrespectful but you are being just plain mean. It makes me feel, like you are being selfish and you don't care about anyone else here, and I would really like you to think about your actions and decide whether or not you really want to participate in being a Girl on the Run." Note to Molly Barker and the creators of this program. Thanks for giving me the perfect framework to phrase that to the girls to really make them see what they were doing. For those of you who coach or work with the program, you might have caught a key phrase! It will come up again in the future I am sure!
Silence
And the girls that started the trouble looked at the group, without me saying anything and apologized. It was like night and day. As fast as that could all be said, we were back on track with our lesson and out the door for some running. And those kids, they were awesome the rest of the time. They ran with each other, smiled, worked as a team to decorate my little poster board (pictures to come soon), and this, in fact was the team that I remembered but now with so many new beautiful faces!
So as I watched proudly, as they ran their little feet into the ground, I realized, this is going to be an awesome season.
I am totally making them redo my visualization lesson again in the near future. I don't think you can ever tell a little girl enough that she is smart, beautiful, special, loved, and that the light that shines from with in her is one of the most radiant things she can give to the world to make it a better place.
Hi Jillian! I am an assistant GOTR coach from Buffalo, NY. (Technically I can act as a coach as I went through the full training). GOTR is new to Western NY -- just last school year it came to Buffalo. Living here, we have to work around the weather and condense the program, so we haven't started yet. We had a great fall season with 12 girls. I totally get what you're saying about the VERY different/unique personalities of the girls. It's so cool to watch how GOTR bonds them and they become a closely knit group by the end of the 12 weeks. There were a couple of days when I wanted to yell at a few of the girls... but kept my cool. I learned quickly that sometimes just by giving a girl "the look" if she was misbehaving she'd stop the behavior immediately. (But then I'd feel so guilty!) There was even a day when we didn't give an energy award because the girls just weren't behaving... I definitely agree that they do not want to disappoint the coaches, and when they do they care. Anyway, I hope you have a great season. The school district I coach in gives us a really hard time about having GOTR, and does not allow us to advertise on district property, so it is really difficult to get the word out. Only 6 girls signed up right now... I'm really hoping we will not have to cancel. I really think it will work out though!
ReplyDeleteBionicrunner- did you know that you are my very first ever comment to my blog ever!? Wow!
ReplyDeleteUm, a suggestion for getting the word out if the school district isn't working with you-
-go to local restaurants and ask them if you can leave fliers, family friendly or even fast food places.
-go to places where people take their kids and post fliers at parks, gyms, afterschool centers, even after school daycares that cater to the age groups you are trying to recruit.
-I also have a friend who is a lawyer up there and i am pretty sure that as long as you provide fliers to all the girls in your age group at the school and the school is publically funded in some way, there might be something to help you guys with that. I will give her a call. She actually works in the Buffalo area and is a long time runner. We went to college at Niagara University together.
I dont feel guilty if I have to discipline. Honestly, the thing is, children need that discipline because it teaches them the value of appreciating the kind and encouraging words when I do give them.
However I had a day last semester where I really didn't want to give the girls an energy award. It was a bad day. The kind of day I wanted to cry about. And so I gave the energy award to my assistant coach and myself for being strong enough to come out there and give it our all every practice and no matter how we felt about our day or anything that we always tried our very best to be the best GotR we could be that day.
I really hope you get enough girls.
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement (both for getting the word out and discipline issues - I'm going to share that with the head coach)! My husband and I made fliers for the fall and went to restaurants, libraries and rec centers, etc. Our gym was a Fall sponsor for GOTR so they put up a sign for our school too. We're not sure if it worked or not, but we had more time then. I think Michele (head coach) and I may have been a little naive in thinking that since the fall season went so well we'd fill up very quickly due to word of mouth. It just didn't happen though. It's also kind of sad because both my husband and I went through the Williamsville School system and we just can't believe they are treating former student athletes this way.
ReplyDeleteI am surprised I'm the first to comment on your blog! It seems very well thought out and I think it's great to blog about GOTR because it gives coaches the opportunity to share ideas with each other. Everything from what No-Nonsense Nelly could look like to shaking up some of the activities to make them a little more fun or exciting.
You went to Niagara University? This is so funny/cool because my husband works there! He is the Operations Manager for facilities and events set up with a company called Unicco. He defected from Canisius College a little over a year ago... he went to Canisius and worked there for several years thereafter, but he couldn't take the graveyard shift anymore. NU is a beautiful campus too... plus we LOVE seeing the Purple Eagles hockey games.
If you could get any advice from your friend that would be awesome (if not for the spring, it may be helpful for the fall!) Thanks for your response! :-) ~Nutty Nicole~
A lot of my friends read it and just tell me what they read through FB or parents comment in person that have read it. http://gotrcentralmd.org/ is our org's site and Lisa and Susan are the directors and pretty amazing and working through the magic that makes this program work. I am honestly amazed at how well they have maintained it and how successfully we have grown. We live in a very athletic community though. Not saying that people aren't just as athletic in Buffalo as they are here in MD but weather has a big factor that plays into it.
ReplyDeleteI keep in touch with my parents weekly and as this season started up I emailed last seasons team and gave them a heads up that registration was open and encouraged them to pass the word. About two weeks before the beginning of our season I took fliers to the school to be passed to the girls.
If you know any teachers that could bring their support into the program that would help a lot. Building a good relationship with your school and their administration and teachers is super helpful. I use the music room and keep in close contact with the teacher of that room. I work with the office and pretty much do anything they ask me with a smile on my face. The plan is to make it so they want me to come back every semester.
I loved seeing purple eagles games. I miss it.
You know, another thing is advertising the event for your 5k in the community. For the spring I know for a fact if you are in buffalo that I could find you a tremendous amount of runners who would come out to support such a cause. So maybe you would only get 100 people all together...but even if you dont get to run the event (which you need 8 girls and i am sure you can beg and plead to find two more girls before your season starts), that is 100 more people who could spread the word.
Also, get your local running club involved. I know there is a pretty decent chapter there in buffalo . There is also going to the colleges-Niagara has a great education degree program and lots of student athletes who love to volunteer. And start trying to branch into other schools. If you can add one school a season, you could be able to gather more support even from your current school. Dont let their lack of motivation for the program stop you and your coaches because you might make the difference in just one girl's life and it will all be worth it. You definitely need to look at the elementary school program too because you wont have to battle against cross country and track too.
Shoot, print off the first 1-2 entries of my blog from the beginning and take those into the school. Maybe you will get one person to change their mind and help be an advocate for you all. You need to get advocates from the inside who are for the cause.
Thanks again for all of your ideas. I will take a look at your first entries when I get home from work. GOTR actually grew REALLY quickly in just over 1 year in Buffalo. There were only a handful of schools in year one and it grew to about 30 schools in the second year. One elementary school even needed to have 3 teams because of the interest this past fall!
ReplyDeleteIt's really just the school district we're working with, but you know, I don't want to give up. Michele has a daughter at the school and I went to the Mill Middle years ago... So there's a certain loyalty and a wanting to do something good for the girls at the school I once went to. I also feel the school needs this kind of program very badly. Middle school was a brutal time.
I reached out to teachers in the fall via e-mail but they seemed kind of stand-offish, though they remembered who I was. My favorite phys. ed teacher didn't even respond to my e-mail! The funny thing is, once the season started, they were very supportive of the girls when they saw us warming up or chatting in the hallways. The administration is just brutal - and I have a feeling teachers don't want to rock the boat. The fight for GOTR made it all the way to the school board last summer, and it was shot down very quickly. We're allowed the bare minimum - to use the hallway to start off our activities. It's pretty sad, actually. But Michele has the same philosopy as you - kill 'em with kindness.
We asked the parents who commended us and the program if they would be kind enough to call the guidance office or the principal to thank them for having this program at the school... This may just take time and patience...
Michele and I are in both in Checkers AC. It is the largest running club in Western New York... Michele posted the link to GOTR Buffalo in various communities on Facebook. I think, as you said, we'll just have to keep working from the inside out.
Anyway, thanks again for all of your advice!