"Ask yourself: 'Can I give more?'. The answer is usually: 'Yes'."
-Paul Tergat, Kenyan professional marathoner
As a coach, I think we are a little bit like parents. We think our team of girls is the smartest, hardest working, most well behaved kids on the block! So when they fail you on this, its a bit heart breaking and what do you do as a coach but look at yourself and wonder, "Where did I go wrong?".
The hardest thing about coaching over parenting though, is trying now to single kids out and admitting that I don't always know what to do when things seem to be going the wrong direction.
So for Monday's lesson we got to play a sort of makeshift game of baseball using trivia questions. But when we tried to get the girls to work together in their teams, and giving them a little time to come up with team names we were stunned to look up and see one of the teams pretty much screaming at each other, someone crying, just anger, frustration, and absolutely no effort at being a team. I was taken aback, I had seen the signs of a problem happening but had kind of hoped it would blow over.
And I could go into details of the rest of practice but lets just say it ended with me telling the girls how disappointed I was and that they could not re-enter practice the following Thursday until they wrote me a letter letting me know what needed to change to make this a functional team that is plugged into GotR.
I think the thing that was somewhat hopeful was how all the parents embraced this and sent me messages supporting this decision. And Thursday arrive and the girls came ready to run. I didn't read all their papers right away, I wanted to get into the lesson, move on and move forward right away. They were beautiful, happy, and positive. They were the little girls that I brag about and they ran so hard that day. As a matter of fact they seemed to suddenly find focus. I did tell them, that I in no way expected them all to be best friends but that if they are having a problem with someone they need to talk to me about it and I will adjust teams and partners to make it easier for them to get along. That I would try better to pay more attention.
When I got home Thursday night, it brought tears to me eyes what I got to read through. Girls apologizing for not trying harder, not speaking out more, not trying to get along more. But some girls actually gave me as a coach some suggestions too that they thought might help. And I appreciated this because sometimes even as adults I think we have to admit that we don't always know what we are doing.
I have high hopes for this coming week, something tells me great things are to come.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
POD PEOPLE have invaded Maryland
"Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it."
-Oprah Winfrey
So, it might just be that daylight savings time has wiped the kids out, or that the hot afternoons are taking their toll. But I am going with the more plausible answer that the reason the girls were so good on Monday was because they were taken over by pod people. Yep, that's right folks, pod people are real.
Monday I came into practice in the music room and the girls were sitting quietly in a circle on the floor stretching. The music teacher had taken it upon herself to get the girls warmed up for me. And the best part-they were almost completely silent. I actually had to just stand there and try to figure out what was going on with them. Usually they are just a ball of energy when I walk in and it takes a few minutes to calm them but instead we got to go right into our lesson and the girls participated! They were positive, up beat and worked hard. Seriously, what do I write about when they did what they were supposed to do. Attitudes were in check, happiness abounded, they were just...seriously, they were pod people. I don't know how else to explain it...daily light savings time just doesn't explain them being so good.
Thursday-I walk into the room and the girls are either in a circle warming up together as a team OR doing their homework. All of them dressed, ready, with water, and had used the bathroom! WHAT THE WHAT!!!! Two days in a row! SEE POD PEOPLE
Wait for it
Wait for it!!!
And we get to talk about negative self talk. And that is when I realize that one of the girls is a bit sullen. Oh no...this is how it starts. It only takes one.
Then another girl proudly exclaims, "I am really great at negative self talk. Better than I am at positive". Oh gee...here we go.
I am almost cautious during this lesson because I know that it can go either way. Armed with my No Nonsense Nancy box to eat their negative comments, we head outside. I give the reins for warm up to my assistant coach. I most definitely threw her to the wolves. Pod people gone...demon spawn return! bwahahahahah...
disclaimer-these kids are really good, honestly, i really don't think they are demon spawn. They just have shining moments where it takes all my patience to try to get them back on track.
Anyways, I walk about 20 yards away because I know I have control issues and I want to let the assistant coach have a chance to try to lead the girls. Its good for me too because I need to see that they accept others in case there is ever an emergency and I can't be there.
I swear, the next thing I saw was bedlam. There was yelling, dancing, running around, everything but listening. Oh, my aching heart, where did my little angels go? I keep taking steps closer to the group knowing I am going to have to intervene in some way. The coach gets it under control but I have a couple of girls who are being particularly difficult and I gently walk next to them, put my hand on their shoulder and tell them to stand with me. One of them got excited and said "Yay".
Here is when you know you have mastered 'the look'. I looked down at her, and said, "You know this isn't a good thing if I am standing next to you right?"
And the two girls that had to have me say that stopped acting up immediately. Its hard as a coach to run a practice. Actually, it was kind of neat getting to watch someone who has never had the chance yet get to do it. Its definitely impressive to see how different people manage things. For instance...
I wasn't aware of this-and let me tell you if I had been things would have been handle my way and there might have been phone calls made to take a girl home.
I have zero tolerance for bullying, pushing, hitting. I didn't see it but the other coach witnessed one of the older girls pushing one of the younger girls out of her way for being to slow or something. The assistant coach handled this calmly. She obviously has a lot of experience with her own kids battling each other. I heard her lecturing the kids about being kind but I didn't know what it was about till after practice. I am also glad that I didn't see it because it was good for the kids to get to learn that she is an authority too with our group.
However, it wont happen again. Its the first and last time I will ever hear of one of my girls being a bully. I will not punish the girls, its past that now. But we are going to start a new program. There is going to be some unique team building activities coming up in the near future. Yay for a background military training!
On that note, the girls after a rough patch did redeem themselves before leaving. They ended the practice on a high note and tried very hard to work together to impress the coaches. I love when they do that. I also love knowing that I can start handing off part of my lesson to a coach and letting her discover her own ground.
And the joy on their faces at they got to proudly say the statements that really made their day "I am beautiful, I am smart, I am funny, etc...." These were the positive statements girls wrote on the index cards that we handed out to the team randomly. One girl even said she felt like the card was written just for her, and it made her feel so special and happy.
Folks, if that is anything you gather from this blog entry, it would be this. Negative self talk is Nonsense. And if you have a chance, say something positive to someone today. You have no idea the effect you could have on changing their day and how that domino effect will carry on. Because I watched even the most sullen girl crack a smile when she read one of her cards that said "I am beautiful" . Shoot, you should have seen some of the moms when the girls handed their cards to them and they would even smile. It was amazing seeing how they even needed to hear those positive statements.
So make it happen, give someone a little positive happy thought. It might even boost your mood too seeing the smile that you helped to create.
-Oprah Winfrey
So, it might just be that daylight savings time has wiped the kids out, or that the hot afternoons are taking their toll. But I am going with the more plausible answer that the reason the girls were so good on Monday was because they were taken over by pod people. Yep, that's right folks, pod people are real.
Monday I came into practice in the music room and the girls were sitting quietly in a circle on the floor stretching. The music teacher had taken it upon herself to get the girls warmed up for me. And the best part-they were almost completely silent. I actually had to just stand there and try to figure out what was going on with them. Usually they are just a ball of energy when I walk in and it takes a few minutes to calm them but instead we got to go right into our lesson and the girls participated! They were positive, up beat and worked hard. Seriously, what do I write about when they did what they were supposed to do. Attitudes were in check, happiness abounded, they were just...seriously, they were pod people. I don't know how else to explain it...daily light savings time just doesn't explain them being so good.
Thursday-I walk into the room and the girls are either in a circle warming up together as a team OR doing their homework. All of them dressed, ready, with water, and had used the bathroom! WHAT THE WHAT!!!! Two days in a row! SEE POD PEOPLE
Wait for it
Wait for it!!!
And we get to talk about negative self talk. And that is when I realize that one of the girls is a bit sullen. Oh no...this is how it starts. It only takes one.
Then another girl proudly exclaims, "I am really great at negative self talk. Better than I am at positive". Oh gee...here we go.
I am almost cautious during this lesson because I know that it can go either way. Armed with my No Nonsense Nancy box to eat their negative comments, we head outside. I give the reins for warm up to my assistant coach. I most definitely threw her to the wolves. Pod people gone...demon spawn return! bwahahahahah...
disclaimer-these kids are really good, honestly, i really don't think they are demon spawn. They just have shining moments where it takes all my patience to try to get them back on track.
Anyways, I walk about 20 yards away because I know I have control issues and I want to let the assistant coach have a chance to try to lead the girls. Its good for me too because I need to see that they accept others in case there is ever an emergency and I can't be there.
I swear, the next thing I saw was bedlam. There was yelling, dancing, running around, everything but listening. Oh, my aching heart, where did my little angels go? I keep taking steps closer to the group knowing I am going to have to intervene in some way. The coach gets it under control but I have a couple of girls who are being particularly difficult and I gently walk next to them, put my hand on their shoulder and tell them to stand with me. One of them got excited and said "Yay".
Here is when you know you have mastered 'the look'. I looked down at her, and said, "You know this isn't a good thing if I am standing next to you right?"
And the two girls that had to have me say that stopped acting up immediately. Its hard as a coach to run a practice. Actually, it was kind of neat getting to watch someone who has never had the chance yet get to do it. Its definitely impressive to see how different people manage things. For instance...
I wasn't aware of this-and let me tell you if I had been things would have been handle my way and there might have been phone calls made to take a girl home.
I have zero tolerance for bullying, pushing, hitting. I didn't see it but the other coach witnessed one of the older girls pushing one of the younger girls out of her way for being to slow or something. The assistant coach handled this calmly. She obviously has a lot of experience with her own kids battling each other. I heard her lecturing the kids about being kind but I didn't know what it was about till after practice. I am also glad that I didn't see it because it was good for the kids to get to learn that she is an authority too with our group.
However, it wont happen again. Its the first and last time I will ever hear of one of my girls being a bully. I will not punish the girls, its past that now. But we are going to start a new program. There is going to be some unique team building activities coming up in the near future. Yay for a background military training!
On that note, the girls after a rough patch did redeem themselves before leaving. They ended the practice on a high note and tried very hard to work together to impress the coaches. I love when they do that. I also love knowing that I can start handing off part of my lesson to a coach and letting her discover her own ground.
And the joy on their faces at they got to proudly say the statements that really made their day "I am beautiful, I am smart, I am funny, etc...." These were the positive statements girls wrote on the index cards that we handed out to the team randomly. One girl even said she felt like the card was written just for her, and it made her feel so special and happy.
Folks, if that is anything you gather from this blog entry, it would be this. Negative self talk is Nonsense. And if you have a chance, say something positive to someone today. You have no idea the effect you could have on changing their day and how that domino effect will carry on. Because I watched even the most sullen girl crack a smile when she read one of her cards that said "I am beautiful" . Shoot, you should have seen some of the moms when the girls handed their cards to them and they would even smile. It was amazing seeing how they even needed to hear those positive statements.
So make it happen, give someone a little positive happy thought. It might even boost your mood too seeing the smile that you helped to create.
Friday, March 9, 2012
SPRING-WOOHOOO
Folks, I have looked forward to returning to coaching. The three months off, while needed to get much of my life in order and on track and my house clean, has dragged a little without my meeting with the miniatures! So needless to say, that after weeks of stress, work, rearranging my life, and trying to wait for the cold weather to lift, I have had a bright little light getting closer over time.
Spring practice with my Girls on the Run team.
And this season I had to part with one of my assistant coaches while she takes a more background role with the program and she works on her own path for school and work, I got to bring on a new coach and friend. Of course I still got to keep Coach Lisa on board and I think she was just as excited as the girls were on the first day of practice. My new assistant coach, Alana, comes from a very similar background as me. Former military, single mom, strong, independent, oh, and did I mention she has no kids in GotR or even in the Elkridge School? Yep, I am recruiting them from all walks of life folks. But already the girls are starting to connect with her as they have with every woman that comes to be a part of our program.
So we start off with Monday, and it was around noon when I realize...Oh my goodness I have practice today and I left everything at home! Go ahead, its ok to laugh, I totally did. I had everything at my house in a bin but that was the problem, it was at my house. When I saw I had a lot going on, I mean it. I have averaged maybe 4 hours of sleep a night for the past three weeks. I do believe I am due to crash soon *looks around warily for pile of pillows
Monday is a pretty straight forward day though, Getting to know you.
And I love days like this because I get to learn all their names, crazy little tidbits about each girl, and I love how you can see their personalities. There are 14 girls on my team this season. I love even numbers, its the nerdness in me. And every girl is truly special and unique. As time goes on I am sure I will write more about the girls but for now one of my happiest moments was seeing one of the girls return for her last season. This will be her last season with Girls on the Run. She has the option to join Girls on Track next fall when she goes to middle school, but she is the only original member from the team that has been with this team every season since GotR came into existence in Howard County. If that's not dedication, I don't know what is.
Oh, and the kids wanted me to keep my original nickname from last season, Juicy Jillianne. *sighs* Meek little "yay"...I guess its better than Jiggly!
And Thursday we have lift off. We are to discuss what it means to be a GotR. So let me start with-EPIC FAIL! I swear on my life its the weather. These kids just get so excited and jittery from being indoors that the last thing they want to do is sit indoors doing a lesson. Rule #1 with coach Jillianne is treat everyone with respect.
Scoffs one girls, "Coach Jillianne, I think the respect rule is stupid"
It's shaping up to be one of those days and I smile at her and try my best to not let my drug induced semi coma'd self react inappropriately. She is only a kid. *Screams inside, if you think giving respect is stupid, then I sure as heck hope you like living life not getting any respect.
Deep breath in and out...
"Dear, you can think what you want, that is in your right to choose your behavior towards others. I however will not stand for you to be disrespectful to your friends and teammates so please sit down and try to show me that you at least care what these other girls think of you."
I thought, maybe this would be the end of it. But we start our beautiful lesson, my favorite lesson in a way because I get to say to the girls, "You are beautiful. You are smart. You are amazing." I love saying these words to the kids. I love looking at their smiles on their faces as you can see, each of them thinks, I am saying this just for them.
And wouldn't you know, my special moment, was taken away from me. By none other than all my returning girls who decided they didn't want to do this activity again and they started moaning and rolling around on the floor.
I rarely lose my cool ever with these kids. The only times I 'yell' is when I need to get their attention outside during a game or activity and I need to be loud just for necessity for them to hear me. But I never yell at a kid or the group as punishment. This has been a great gift that has started spreading into my own life teaching me to be patient with my own children. I find that they react better and try harder.
And I blame my friend Julie for teaching me the most valuable lesson that I have ever learned from her teaching experience. Telling a child how disappointed you are in them, is so much more devastating then yelling.
So in the middle of our visualization, racked with sickness, exhaustion, and feeling heartbroken that my moment is ruined I stopped and told everyone to open their eyes. I look calmly at every new girl in the eyes as I say, "What I am about to say has absolutely nothing to do with you, I want you all to know I am so very proud of how you are trying to be so patient while your teammates rudely take away the experience from you that they all got to enjoy when they were new". Suddenly there is silence because the new girls are all beaming, they know they are doing their best. And every returning runner, whether she actually was acting up or not, starts to slump in her seat. They know for sure what I am about to say next.
"Girls that are returning, I want you to know how thoroughly disappointed and hurt I am by you right now. I worked with you all last season and bragged at how I have the most amazing and darling team. And today, you made me a liar. You are not only being disrespectful but you are being just plain mean. It makes me feel, like you are being selfish and you don't care about anyone else here, and I would really like you to think about your actions and decide whether or not you really want to participate in being a Girl on the Run." Note to Molly Barker and the creators of this program. Thanks for giving me the perfect framework to phrase that to the girls to really make them see what they were doing. For those of you who coach or work with the program, you might have caught a key phrase! It will come up again in the future I am sure!
Silence
And the girls that started the trouble looked at the group, without me saying anything and apologized. It was like night and day. As fast as that could all be said, we were back on track with our lesson and out the door for some running. And those kids, they were awesome the rest of the time. They ran with each other, smiled, worked as a team to decorate my little poster board (pictures to come soon), and this, in fact was the team that I remembered but now with so many new beautiful faces!
So as I watched proudly, as they ran their little feet into the ground, I realized, this is going to be an awesome season.
I am totally making them redo my visualization lesson again in the near future. I don't think you can ever tell a little girl enough that she is smart, beautiful, special, loved, and that the light that shines from with in her is one of the most radiant things she can give to the world to make it a better place.
Spring practice with my Girls on the Run team.
And this season I had to part with one of my assistant coaches while she takes a more background role with the program and she works on her own path for school and work, I got to bring on a new coach and friend. Of course I still got to keep Coach Lisa on board and I think she was just as excited as the girls were on the first day of practice. My new assistant coach, Alana, comes from a very similar background as me. Former military, single mom, strong, independent, oh, and did I mention she has no kids in GotR or even in the Elkridge School? Yep, I am recruiting them from all walks of life folks. But already the girls are starting to connect with her as they have with every woman that comes to be a part of our program.
So we start off with Monday, and it was around noon when I realize...Oh my goodness I have practice today and I left everything at home! Go ahead, its ok to laugh, I totally did. I had everything at my house in a bin but that was the problem, it was at my house. When I saw I had a lot going on, I mean it. I have averaged maybe 4 hours of sleep a night for the past three weeks. I do believe I am due to crash soon *looks around warily for pile of pillows
Monday is a pretty straight forward day though, Getting to know you.
And I love days like this because I get to learn all their names, crazy little tidbits about each girl, and I love how you can see their personalities. There are 14 girls on my team this season. I love even numbers, its the nerdness in me. And every girl is truly special and unique. As time goes on I am sure I will write more about the girls but for now one of my happiest moments was seeing one of the girls return for her last season. This will be her last season with Girls on the Run. She has the option to join Girls on Track next fall when she goes to middle school, but she is the only original member from the team that has been with this team every season since GotR came into existence in Howard County. If that's not dedication, I don't know what is.
Oh, and the kids wanted me to keep my original nickname from last season, Juicy Jillianne. *sighs* Meek little "yay"...I guess its better than Jiggly!
And Thursday we have lift off. We are to discuss what it means to be a GotR. So let me start with-EPIC FAIL! I swear on my life its the weather. These kids just get so excited and jittery from being indoors that the last thing they want to do is sit indoors doing a lesson. Rule #1 with coach Jillianne is treat everyone with respect.
Scoffs one girls, "Coach Jillianne, I think the respect rule is stupid"
It's shaping up to be one of those days and I smile at her and try my best to not let my drug induced semi coma'd self react inappropriately. She is only a kid. *Screams inside, if you think giving respect is stupid, then I sure as heck hope you like living life not getting any respect.
Deep breath in and out...
"Dear, you can think what you want, that is in your right to choose your behavior towards others. I however will not stand for you to be disrespectful to your friends and teammates so please sit down and try to show me that you at least care what these other girls think of you."
I thought, maybe this would be the end of it. But we start our beautiful lesson, my favorite lesson in a way because I get to say to the girls, "You are beautiful. You are smart. You are amazing." I love saying these words to the kids. I love looking at their smiles on their faces as you can see, each of them thinks, I am saying this just for them.
And wouldn't you know, my special moment, was taken away from me. By none other than all my returning girls who decided they didn't want to do this activity again and they started moaning and rolling around on the floor.
I rarely lose my cool ever with these kids. The only times I 'yell' is when I need to get their attention outside during a game or activity and I need to be loud just for necessity for them to hear me. But I never yell at a kid or the group as punishment. This has been a great gift that has started spreading into my own life teaching me to be patient with my own children. I find that they react better and try harder.
And I blame my friend Julie for teaching me the most valuable lesson that I have ever learned from her teaching experience. Telling a child how disappointed you are in them, is so much more devastating then yelling.
So in the middle of our visualization, racked with sickness, exhaustion, and feeling heartbroken that my moment is ruined I stopped and told everyone to open their eyes. I look calmly at every new girl in the eyes as I say, "What I am about to say has absolutely nothing to do with you, I want you all to know I am so very proud of how you are trying to be so patient while your teammates rudely take away the experience from you that they all got to enjoy when they were new". Suddenly there is silence because the new girls are all beaming, they know they are doing their best. And every returning runner, whether she actually was acting up or not, starts to slump in her seat. They know for sure what I am about to say next.
"Girls that are returning, I want you to know how thoroughly disappointed and hurt I am by you right now. I worked with you all last season and bragged at how I have the most amazing and darling team. And today, you made me a liar. You are not only being disrespectful but you are being just plain mean. It makes me feel, like you are being selfish and you don't care about anyone else here, and I would really like you to think about your actions and decide whether or not you really want to participate in being a Girl on the Run." Note to Molly Barker and the creators of this program. Thanks for giving me the perfect framework to phrase that to the girls to really make them see what they were doing. For those of you who coach or work with the program, you might have caught a key phrase! It will come up again in the future I am sure!
Silence
And the girls that started the trouble looked at the group, without me saying anything and apologized. It was like night and day. As fast as that could all be said, we were back on track with our lesson and out the door for some running. And those kids, they were awesome the rest of the time. They ran with each other, smiled, worked as a team to decorate my little poster board (pictures to come soon), and this, in fact was the team that I remembered but now with so many new beautiful faces!
So as I watched proudly, as they ran their little feet into the ground, I realized, this is going to be an awesome season.
I am totally making them redo my visualization lesson again in the near future. I don't think you can ever tell a little girl enough that she is smart, beautiful, special, loved, and that the light that shines from with in her is one of the most radiant things she can give to the world to make it a better place.
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