I don't know if many people will truly understand quite how amazing it was that I finished the Columbia Iron Girl Triathlon. Yes, it is hard for everyone, and so many people have so many battles they have had to overcome to complete this goal. Weight, time, injury, sickness, money etc....
I wonder how many of them had nightmares of drowning in the lake, the very first event of the Triathlon.
I often don't tell people my greatest fears, but I will most definitely say, I was legitimately scared of drowning. I mean, afraid of fish is one thing, and boy did I scream when that first peice of seaweed wrapped around me leg...but wait...let me back up and start, from the beginning. And let me warn you, this might be a bit long since it is a wrap up of an entire day, which starts early...really early.
3am: I start having nightmares. I start waking up constantly afraid I have overslept, really gotten lost trying to find the course, or worse, getting there and having no gear. What a horrible last hour of sleep. Thankfully, I did go to bed at 9 pm so at least the first 6 hours of sleep were good.
4am: First alarm goes off and I sit in bed staring at facebook on my phone. I have no desire to leave the safety of my bed.
420 am: I am reminded that I need to get moving and get out the door.
445 am: dog pee's in living room (you needed to know that right!?)
5 am: out the door, shaking as I hold my bags, hoping I didn't forget anything too important.
5:15 am: It is pitch black, and there are hundreds of people at the park. I am trying to maintain calm as I get my body marked and walk towards my bike. I get there to find...My bike is indeed where I racked it and the tires did not go flat overnight.
6 am: I help set up the Girls on the Run Tent. And play on Facebook and Twitter, probably driving all my friends and family crazy.
7:30 am: I read one of my last messages before I turn off my phone from someone who knows that I am starting to panic. I had just posted a picture of me smiling but unfortunately I can't fool him, he knows I am shaking to my core. Thankfully, he said exactly what I needed to hear because without those words I literally might have not made it through...the swim.
7:50 am: I am standing with about 100 women with dayglo orange swim caps on, and I start shaking visibly so hard that two women grab me and start instructing me to start breathing. Not a lot of time to recover because they start pulling me by the arms to take me into the water.
Want to know my great fear? That my asthma along with the absolute panic that I am feeling are going to manifest into a full fledged attack. I can swim, but I am not a strong swimmer. I make no lies about that. But I had not prepared myself for a few things. I knew that it was going to be hard swimming in open water with all those people around me, I had no clue what it would feel like when I got smacked in the head and pushed under the water to swallow a gallon of our famous goose poo lake. I can't explain how frustrating it is to look at a buoy and think it looks like it is actually getting further away! And then the nightmare. My leg cramped and sank underneath me. I started panicking to look for anything to grab onto. Started to float on my back, anything to try and keep my head above water. Finally before I thought, omg, I am going to be that woman that has to get rescued by the volunteer divers, I saw a kayak. I did what felt like a hobbled like swim to get to the kayak and hoped I could pull the charlie horse out.
No such luck and I started to hyperventalate. The guy on the kayak was calling for the rescue crew for another lady and I heard him say, I might have a second one with an orange cap. I get frantic...it's come down to months of training, living my life around this, and now, they might pull me out of the water, before I even get a change to bike.. let alone RUN!
"Sir, how much further till the end?"
Dude considers answering and finally says, "if you think you can do it, just two more buoys and you are home free".
And I remember the words my friend said, the last message I read before I turned off my phone,
"Where most people are going to love the swim and you might struggle through it, remember that they are dreading running, where you will just be doing a warm up compared to what you can do".
I wanted to run so badly and that is what pushed me off that boat. I went to a freestyle stroke that used all arm strength with the occasional one legged kick, because my left leg was completely useless in the water at this point. It was sloppy looking, but it didn't matter because now all I kept saying is, "I JUST WANT TO RUN!!!"
8:37 am: I get out of the lake and I see Maura, one of the Girls on the Run coordinators in her bright orange shirt cheering my name. Thanks for that. And glad no one saw what happened next but I feel the need to share because people should understand how hard this can be for a person to go through not just physically but emotionally.
I reach my bike in lightening speed, and start to gear up. I am almost holding my breath until I hear the women around me talking about what a nice swim it was. And I crumble. I start bawling my eyes out and want to collapse. The pain in my left calf is searing into my whole body. Almost giving me the shakes. And I realize at that moment, that I really was scared of going under and that it took every bit of will power to get me out of that water and every word of encouragement that people sent me over the days before. I thought so many days before, this is so nice, all the things these people are saying, but I bet none of them knew how much I committed things to memory. Things they posted on my facebook wall, phone calls, and texts all telling me they believed in me. Because let me tell you, I sure as heck wasn't feeling full of a lot of belief in that moment.
Shaking I put on my bike gloves and thought to myself...I am almost there, almost to the run. I just need to get my feet on the ground again.
8:42 : I mount the bike. I only needed to go about 100 feet before the rush of the wind on my face made me realize that everything was going to be ok. The pain in my legs was real, but my resolve was stronger now. I start flying down the first hill and I realize that the fear of crashing is something I am not so worried about anymore. I am so elated to be out of the lake that I start singing to the women as I pass them. Yep, I am pretty sure I was that lady on the course that drove everyone nuts. But I promised myself I would not stop pedaling until I got back to the finish. And it was a beautiful ride. I met people, chatted when they let me, pushed up every hill, never getting off to walk, and rode my bike faster and further than I think I ever have. I can understand the thrill and obsession bikers face with nice long rides. It is really quite wonderful seeing so much of the scenery and still being able to get exercise.
One lady even made fun of me, said I looked like I was just out for a Sunday Stroll because I was so relaxed while eating my Jelly Bellies.
9:55 I pull up to Centennial Lane and I hear familiar voices calling my name. Its my best friend Bryan, my sister Beth, and her daughter Sophia. My heart soared. I knew Bryan would be there, he promised to come cheer me on, but I didn't think he would be at the bike area as I rounded my last turn. I didn't know my sister and neice would be there. My smile was huge as I dismounted and started ripping off gear while running with my bike. I threw my bike on the rack and dropped everything on the ground and sprinted out the gate. Transition time=1 minute . I wasn't joking, I couldn't wait to start running. I apparently was so fast that my cheering crew missed getting to see me go out the running gate.
And while I can run a 7:30 mile pace, I was aware that was going to prove to be impossible after everything I had done. I was shooting for 10 min pace. But seeing those people, that I care for so much cheering for me, I ended up pushing 9:15 pace for 3.5 miles.
The things you never experience as a runner, became amazingly evident this time to me. Severe muscle cramps to the point that my legs would start shaking in pain. You could see the cramping in my legs. But I was in my element, and I refused to think about the swim anymore and what it had done to my legs, I refused to think of the fact that I had a knee that swelled over the 17.5 mile bike ride. I just loved being back where I belonged. hitting the pavement hard with my bright pink shoes. And knowing that I was getting closer to the finish with each and every step.
I have an uncanny gift for being able to talk/sing out loud while I run no matter how tired and I was cheering on the women left and right as I passed them.
10:25 am: the pink finish line is visible. And I push with all my might. My legs start locking up, I can't describe the pain that was shooting through them. I can't express how through all this I kept repeating everything people had said to me. And how that final last burst to run all the way across those blue pads was all because of the people who came to cheer me on giving me that extra boost of motivation.
And there at the end of the chute was my daughter and her friend Elizabeth and mother Jo-Ann and I even got to take a picture with the girls after they put my medal on me. Marking a moment I will hold onto forever.
Advice that I can give to anyone who wants to do a triathlon-no matter what length...Just do it. Train as best as you can, ask for help when you need it, and push, because it will be hard no matter what. You can have all the best gear in the world, and have the best trainers in the world, but when it comes down to it, I think that it comes down to the amount of heart a person has.
My heart is full and strong because so many people around me made it that way.
As for me doing this ever again. No thanks folks. It is not for me. I give credit to those women who do this regularly. I however, will not swim competitively ever again. I will do a relay team some day, as biking and running are things I feel much safer. Maybe I will do a dualathlon (run-bike-run). But I leave the triathon circuit to pursue other bucket list items. Forthcoming I am sure.
But I can say, I am proud of what I did. Because in the end I raised over $2400 for Girls on the Run! That is about $110 for every mile that I did in the Triathlon. Not bad for a day's work.
And I can't wait to share it with the girls on my team that I coach this coming Fall!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Pre-Race
This below is a letter I posted to the TriColumbia Association about what inspired me to join this tri-athlon. And as I prepped to get ready for it, I couldn't think of a better way to sum up what it meant for me as I got ready the night before. There is so much more I wish I could say, but I have a forthcoming blog for that.
So how does a woman sum up a year of her life events leading to making the decision to compete in the Iron Girl Triathlon. I guess I should start with the beginning, the death of a friend's neighbor who was a great mother. The end of her life brought to light for me an organization that she cherished dearly for her own daughters, Girls on the Run. I found my local chapter in Howard county and met the director Susan and immediately I knew this was going to change my life forever. As a woman who had lost a lot of faith in herself, I am a little surprised that I let myself attempt to be a mentor for young girls. I was drawn to this program in a big way though seeing as my years of running had been what pushed me through the hardest times in my life.
Over the coming months, as I would teach lessons and coach these girls on, I began to change and start to believe in myself. When you are told this program works, you assume they just mean it works for the kids. You never take into account that, it works for adults too.
And the most amazing thing happened, I began running again. I had dabbled in running for nearly 10 years off and on, but there is a difference between dabbling and waking up every day and trying to figure out when you can squeeze in a couple of miles because you need to get your feet into a pair of running shoes.
So when the spring season came and I was given the opportunity to coach again, I couldn't hand Susan my papers fast enough.
I made life changes by not only running but following another dream of starting to take a martial art. And I of course decided to go big and train in Brazilian Jujitsui.
It was a night after a great workout with my gym and coaching of 15 wonderful little girls that I came home to an email from the director asking people to join their fundraising team called Solemates. A group that raised money in support of Girls on the Run through running events and Triathlons. On my workout high I decided to join and chose the Triathlon. Something I had never dreamed of doing in my entire life.
And then it set in, I just enlisted to do what I always told myself was impossible. And I started to feel that doubt creep back into my body. How was I was supposed to find the time and energy as a single mom to train properly for such an event? To make matters worse, I didn't even own a bike anymore because I discovered days after signing up for the event, that my bike had been stolen. Oh, and there is also my irrational fear or swimming in open water where there are fish. Yep, I am petrified of swimming with fish.
But I found this quote:
Who was to say that competing in a Triathlon was impossible other than me. So what, I am afraid of fish. So what, I don't own a bike. So what, that I work a full time job, have kids, in school, coach, and all the normal things people have in life, I can add training for a Triathlon to that!
But I refused to train in swimming and biking that first two months.
But Susan in her genius ways seemed to know something I didn't and went to the root of who I am, with competition. Let see who can raise the most money. And I wanted to raise so much money for these little girls to give back to them, what they gave to me.
So I pushed it out to my friends, family and coworkers what I was working towards.
In a 24 hour period I received $700, and over a 30 day period I raised over $1000. And during that time a friend of mine also learned of my battle with no bike and showed up at my house with a wonderful bike. I thought to borrow until I could afford to buy one, and she shook her head and told me it was mine to keep.
And it sank in, all these people believed not only in my cause, but also in me.
So the next day, I jumped into a pool for the first time in years and swam till my arms turned into shaking jello messes.
And now, as I stand here on the ten day countdown till I compete, I realize something that I couldn't believe when I started all this. I am not just a runner anymore. I am not just a mother or a coach, a friend or a coworker. I am not even just a Triathlete. I am already an Iron Girl. What makes a person an Iron Girl isn't competing at some event. It's living to tell the journey of the struggles and milestones that you have gone through as a woman to achieve a goal, you never thought possible. By the day of the Iron Girl, I should have raised more than double my original goal, I will have earned being a SoleMate to 15 little girls who will benefit from all my hard work, and I will be the mother that runs across a finish line in front of her own daughter to show her that no matter what the world may say about how she can't do something, or she is "just a girl". That as long as she says and believes she can do it, she, like her mother, can do the impossible.
This is what drives me, not to become an Iron Girl, but to show the world, just what an Iron Girl can do.
Jillianne M Shear
So how does a woman sum up a year of her life events leading to making the decision to compete in the Iron Girl Triathlon. I guess I should start with the beginning, the death of a friend's neighbor who was a great mother. The end of her life brought to light for me an organization that she cherished dearly for her own daughters, Girls on the Run. I found my local chapter in Howard county and met the director Susan and immediately I knew this was going to change my life forever. As a woman who had lost a lot of faith in herself, I am a little surprised that I let myself attempt to be a mentor for young girls. I was drawn to this program in a big way though seeing as my years of running had been what pushed me through the hardest times in my life.
Over the coming months, as I would teach lessons and coach these girls on, I began to change and start to believe in myself. When you are told this program works, you assume they just mean it works for the kids. You never take into account that, it works for adults too.
And the most amazing thing happened, I began running again. I had dabbled in running for nearly 10 years off and on, but there is a difference between dabbling and waking up every day and trying to figure out when you can squeeze in a couple of miles because you need to get your feet into a pair of running shoes.
So when the spring season came and I was given the opportunity to coach again, I couldn't hand Susan my papers fast enough.
I made life changes by not only running but following another dream of starting to take a martial art. And I of course decided to go big and train in Brazilian Jujitsui.
It was a night after a great workout with my gym and coaching of 15 wonderful little girls that I came home to an email from the director asking people to join their fundraising team called Solemates. A group that raised money in support of Girls on the Run through running events and Triathlons. On my workout high I decided to join and chose the Triathlon. Something I had never dreamed of doing in my entire life.
And then it set in, I just enlisted to do what I always told myself was impossible. And I started to feel that doubt creep back into my body. How was I was supposed to find the time and energy as a single mom to train properly for such an event? To make matters worse, I didn't even own a bike anymore because I discovered days after signing up for the event, that my bike had been stolen. Oh, and there is also my irrational fear or swimming in open water where there are fish. Yep, I am petrified of swimming with fish.
But I found this quote:
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
Who was to say that competing in a Triathlon was impossible other than me. So what, I am afraid of fish. So what, I don't own a bike. So what, that I work a full time job, have kids, in school, coach, and all the normal things people have in life, I can add training for a Triathlon to that!
But I refused to train in swimming and biking that first two months.
But Susan in her genius ways seemed to know something I didn't and went to the root of who I am, with competition. Let see who can raise the most money. And I wanted to raise so much money for these little girls to give back to them, what they gave to me.
So I pushed it out to my friends, family and coworkers what I was working towards.
In a 24 hour period I received $700, and over a 30 day period I raised over $1000. And during that time a friend of mine also learned of my battle with no bike and showed up at my house with a wonderful bike. I thought to borrow until I could afford to buy one, and she shook her head and told me it was mine to keep.
And it sank in, all these people believed not only in my cause, but also in me.
So the next day, I jumped into a pool for the first time in years and swam till my arms turned into shaking jello messes.
And now, as I stand here on the ten day countdown till I compete, I realize something that I couldn't believe when I started all this. I am not just a runner anymore. I am not just a mother or a coach, a friend or a coworker. I am not even just a Triathlete. I am already an Iron Girl. What makes a person an Iron Girl isn't competing at some event. It's living to tell the journey of the struggles and milestones that you have gone through as a woman to achieve a goal, you never thought possible. By the day of the Iron Girl, I should have raised more than double my original goal, I will have earned being a SoleMate to 15 little girls who will benefit from all my hard work, and I will be the mother that runs across a finish line in front of her own daughter to show her that no matter what the world may say about how she can't do something, or she is "just a girl". That as long as she says and believes she can do it, she, like her mother, can do the impossible.
This is what drives me, not to become an Iron Girl, but to show the world, just what an Iron Girl can do.
Jillianne M Shear
Friday, August 10, 2012
Writer's Block
Yeah, I know I know...I am not some official writer. Shoot, I am lucky that I have a handful of followers on my blog. I mean, it is long winded, self serving to write about your life and hope that people want to read it and actually enjoy the words you put out there.
Oh cruel world, how I bare my soul to you and reap no rewards.
Ha...ok, back to our program.
So 9 days left, and I am...petrified. As each day to my first Triathlon competition brings me closer to the event, I get more and more nervous. I have a crud in my belly that won't go away. I know what I want, I want to do well. I want to know that I go into this event with all my money raised for these kids. And...I want world peace.
ok, forgoing world peace, because then I might actually be out of a job, I will settle for a big glass of margarita and some chips and salsa on the side.
So over the past week I have been 'slowing down'. In other words, less gym time, more endurance training and stretching. It sucks when you go running though with only two weeks left and you roll your ankle under you over a pine cone. Or when every time you try to get into a pool, there is a freak thunderstorm closing the pools down (both indoors and out!). Or you get done with a great workout of biking/running only to realize that you are not only suffering the effects of dehydration but wait, what is that pain....? Oh, the beginnings of shin splints.
No big deal.
Achy knees, dehydration, slightly sprained ankle, and the beginnings of shin splints. This is just a normal day in the running life of Jillianne. Yeppers!
But proactive is set in, I take my NSAIDS, drinking tons of fluids, taking my daily vitamin, staying away from the sick people, massaging my legs with enough bengay that the old men at the nursing homes should be jealous and now-I am doing what I tell others never to do. Introducing something new into my exercise.
Rock Tape. It gets delivered this afternoon. I am hesitant to believe it is truly the miracle it claims to be. But at this point I a mildly desperate. I mean, between two bad knees, two bad shins, and now a bad ankle-I gotta do it.
I tell people not to try to make big changes to what they know less than two weeks out of their event. Its good practice usually because people make big changes and they get injured so often.
But the pain that is shooting through my legs, even when I am just sitting at my desk at work, has become almost unbearable in the past couple of days.
You see, Runners, we are a strange breed. We formulate traditions, patterns and we don't change things drastically. It takes us time to accept that change is ok. I get a pair of shoes, and I will live with them for years before considering a new brand. Often I wont even change brands or styles for that matter until they discontinue it. I have a rule about not wearing jewelry for racing. It took me till I was 28 years old before I could run with a pair of sunglasses. I was 27 before I changed from all cotton running gear to a more athletic/breathable material. I was 29 before I realized that running in tight compression gear was actually advantageous. It took me 9 years to go see a physical therapist to treat my knee injuries.
You get the drift, right?
And you wonder, what prompted me to consider throwing myself a curve ball so close to game time? One word, "KIDS!"
I promised myself I would do my absolute best for these kids. I know to everyone else, maybe it is impressive that I am going to complete a Triathlon. But for me, it is more impressive to literally leave it all out on the playing field. And I have been giving it my all. I want to achieve something I never could have thought possible and make a good show in my division AND try to finish in two hours (I am excluding transition times for this because I am sure I will crash in the transition zone when i get off my bike. I feel sorry for those ladies when I try running out of there with legs like lead!)
But I can't wait to start coaching this fall and seeing all those little girls and showing them pictures of what their coach did for them. Faced my fears, overcame the impossible, and worked hard the whole way through.
I can't wait, for them to be proud to have me as their coach, as I am proud of them for coming out to practices every day and completing a 5k and improving their own personal lives.
It's time, to see if I can push through these final obstacles and overcome the pain. The thing is, I know I can.
Oh cruel world, how I bare my soul to you and reap no rewards.
Ha...ok, back to our program.
So 9 days left, and I am...petrified. As each day to my first Triathlon competition brings me closer to the event, I get more and more nervous. I have a crud in my belly that won't go away. I know what I want, I want to do well. I want to know that I go into this event with all my money raised for these kids. And...I want world peace.
ok, forgoing world peace, because then I might actually be out of a job, I will settle for a big glass of margarita and some chips and salsa on the side.
So over the past week I have been 'slowing down'. In other words, less gym time, more endurance training and stretching. It sucks when you go running though with only two weeks left and you roll your ankle under you over a pine cone. Or when every time you try to get into a pool, there is a freak thunderstorm closing the pools down (both indoors and out!). Or you get done with a great workout of biking/running only to realize that you are not only suffering the effects of dehydration but wait, what is that pain....? Oh, the beginnings of shin splints.
No big deal.
Achy knees, dehydration, slightly sprained ankle, and the beginnings of shin splints. This is just a normal day in the running life of Jillianne. Yeppers!
But proactive is set in, I take my NSAIDS, drinking tons of fluids, taking my daily vitamin, staying away from the sick people, massaging my legs with enough bengay that the old men at the nursing homes should be jealous and now-I am doing what I tell others never to do. Introducing something new into my exercise.
Rock Tape. It gets delivered this afternoon. I am hesitant to believe it is truly the miracle it claims to be. But at this point I a mildly desperate. I mean, between two bad knees, two bad shins, and now a bad ankle-I gotta do it.
I tell people not to try to make big changes to what they know less than two weeks out of their event. Its good practice usually because people make big changes and they get injured so often.
But the pain that is shooting through my legs, even when I am just sitting at my desk at work, has become almost unbearable in the past couple of days.
You see, Runners, we are a strange breed. We formulate traditions, patterns and we don't change things drastically. It takes us time to accept that change is ok. I get a pair of shoes, and I will live with them for years before considering a new brand. Often I wont even change brands or styles for that matter until they discontinue it. I have a rule about not wearing jewelry for racing. It took me till I was 28 years old before I could run with a pair of sunglasses. I was 27 before I changed from all cotton running gear to a more athletic/breathable material. I was 29 before I realized that running in tight compression gear was actually advantageous. It took me 9 years to go see a physical therapist to treat my knee injuries.
You get the drift, right?
And you wonder, what prompted me to consider throwing myself a curve ball so close to game time? One word, "KIDS!"
I promised myself I would do my absolute best for these kids. I know to everyone else, maybe it is impressive that I am going to complete a Triathlon. But for me, it is more impressive to literally leave it all out on the playing field. And I have been giving it my all. I want to achieve something I never could have thought possible and make a good show in my division AND try to finish in two hours (I am excluding transition times for this because I am sure I will crash in the transition zone when i get off my bike. I feel sorry for those ladies when I try running out of there with legs like lead!)
But I can't wait to start coaching this fall and seeing all those little girls and showing them pictures of what their coach did for them. Faced my fears, overcame the impossible, and worked hard the whole way through.
I can't wait, for them to be proud to have me as their coach, as I am proud of them for coming out to practices every day and completing a 5k and improving their own personal lives.
It's time, to see if I can push through these final obstacles and overcome the pain. The thing is, I know I can.
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