Accomplishment

I obviously coach, that was the start of this blog was to document the journey of a new coach from the beginning of her adventures of starting with Girls on the Run.  There are bits and peices that people can learn about me through out the different blogs.  Some days I am stressed, you can see it in some of my writings, and some days I am overjoyed.  Being a coach hasn't always been easy.  I appreciate what teachers do so much more, and truly believe they are underpaid. 

I have found so much joy being there and getting to learn so much about myself and these children.  I like sometimes looking back at a blog and thinking, wow, that was a rough day, but shoot, we made it through that, I can make it through anything. 

This season has proven interesting with new challenges.  Strange parents, yep, totally calling it as I see it, but there are some strange people out there that I have to sometimes communicate with.  I have actually had some injuries this year, not usually caused at practice but still, things I have had to work around.  My own insane schedule, I may have taken on too much/overloaded myself a bit and it is being remedied.

So for the first time I have finally let help come to me.  It is scary, to let go and let someone help me and let them have a little control, but I needed to let this happen because my functioning as a person has been dwindling. 

In all this time, I had to step back a little from training myself to focus on one thing, the most important event personally for me in a long time.  The Army Ten Miler (ATM). 

So why is the ATM and GotR connected?  I wanted to teach the girls just what you can do when you push yourself and keep moving forward towards your goal.  I also wanted them to feel somehow connected to my own race. 

Two weeks ago I ran the Baltimore half marathon with two of my training coaches (ie-these women push me to be better and stronger).  They were awesome considering that they came out in 40 degree weather to run 13.1 miles and they even smiled a bit at the end.  It is still very strange to be to run in a race and have friends in the same race.

I realized though that I didn't represent GotR this entire year in any of my races.  Seriously, I even did the Iron Girl Triathlon and I didn't wear a GotR shirt, hat, nothing....seriously?!?!

These girls and this program are the reason I changed my life and started working so hard. What was wrong with me. And now as I head into my last big race of the year, I realize, this is my last chance. 

I had a race shirt that I got from Solemates that has a big huge GotR logo on the front and on the back it says "Go to your Happy Pace!".  It is white, it fits some what awkardly, but it would have to work.  On Wednesday of last week I encouraged the girls to run hard and they could help me decorate the shirt with color and sayings to motivate anyone who could read it. 

The shirt was beautiful.  Honestly, they did a great job, they came up with some really whacky and funny things, and I loved it. 

So last week I got dressed in my newly decorated shirt, put on my Garmin watch (given to me by GotR for my contribution to fundraising this past summer), and I ditched the ipod instead to sing a tune in my own head and repeat the things these girls and my own daughters had said to me to inspire me, including, Coach Jillianne, just run really fast!.

My goal that I set at the beginning of the year was 8 min miles for this entire race. I had never run faster than 10 min. miles for this race so this was a lofty goal.  And now I was ditching the music that I had come to love. 

Funny thing though, I didn't miss the music.  I quite enjoyed running without it.  I felt like I was racing again.  I felt driven and strong.  I was with my thoughts, words, and own songs of choice.  I could hear the cheering of people calling out to their family and friends in the race and have pleasant conversations with people who were willing to communicate. 

I remembered why I loved running so much.  That absolute inner peace and perfect runner's high, you get no where else than on the road. 

And my favorite part was all the people who ran to catch up to me just to tell me how much they loved my shirt, and how it had helped them to run and finish.  How many people when they saw the front asked me about Girls on the Run and I got to encourage more people to look it up. People from all over the USA were are this race.

So you ask yourself, did this crazy coach actually acheive her goal?  Technically no. I ran the race in 1:21.  basically I ran the race in 8:06 / mile pace.  But I was darn close!  Close enough to say it counts.

As I coached this week, I was full of joy.  I looked down on the faces that have helped to inspire my own journey to become a runner again and that has inspired my friends, family and even my own daughter to take up running or fitness in general.  I

Let the madness begin

Its hectic being a single mom some days.  I mean, think about it, I work all day, come home and have to make sure the kids have done their homework, that they get a little attention and love, and dinner and bed, and cleaning, and everything else!  Then you add on the stress of my own needs to take care of and being a woman like myself who is never satisified with just sitting around, I feel the need to make myself a little better each day.  Whether I learn something new, push myself a little harder, or help someone who needs it. 

I do all that and I started tutoring math students a few months ago.  I started training in Brazilian Jujitsu and recently competing (more on that in a minute).  I race in local races, trying to work on my times and hopefully one day acheive the status to be invited to run on a team of elite runners (we can all dream). Sometimes I even have a social life.

I have seasons and I am deep into the beginning of race season and competition (Jujitsu) season.  I also am coaching this season and I took on new projects at work hoping to one day get a promotion.

And I wonder to myself some days how I do it all.  I am sitting here on the eve of the Baltimore half marathon, I just competed in my first ever grappling match a couple of weeks ago, and I still am trying to figure out how to fit everything in next week and hopefully manage to do a load of laundry. 

No wonder I almost never sleep. 

And sometimes it affects my coaching, my parentings, and my friendships when I become overwhelmed.  I lost patience more easily and I dislike it when things get that way for myself. 

However, I love how perceptive children are.  Sometimes even my own kids do this but I have noticed over the past couple of weeks a great few things. 

5th graders-they are really stepping up and taking on leadership of their team mates.  Helping them to understand the way things work, and being there for each other.  They push their team mates to run harder, move forward and have a more positive attitude.

So to my fifth graders-that are growing up so fast, I hope one day you see what your parents, teachers, and myself all see in you, a wonderful and bright future with no end of possibilities to what you can acheive.  I thank you for all making every practice worth dragging my tired butt too and hope that in some way I have positively affected your lives.

WE BEGIN!!!

We only had one day of practice this week.  Woohoo, and wouldn't you know, I got sick for the first time in 6 months I got sick.  And not just anything, but full on head cold/flu like symptoms.

I am sure it makes me a bad coach in some regards that I doped up on dayquil and caffeine and went to practice anyways.

I wasn't going to miss it though, no way no how.  I never miss a practice.  I have not missed one yet no matter how sick or hurt or tired or busy I am I have never missed a practice.

I couldn't help that my patience was a bit shorter than normal though.  Sorry girls who may one day in the future read this.  I tried my best to be super fun and happy, but coach Jillianne was struggling with a migraine like headache and a nose full of snot.

Anyhow, it was intro day.  Its how we always start the season.  And I am being faced with a new challenge this season.  The returning girls.

I love them to death, I really do and I want them to return because I think they have so much to offer and they learn a little bit more each season too.  However, they are 'know it alls'.  So I have to figure out how to deal with that now.  Last spring this was a problem but I finally was able to get the girls to kind of cooperate.  This season it is even harder.  I have girls that have been a part of this program now in their 5th season!  So that is probably what I will be address the most through this season's blogs.  How I learn to conquer this problem.  Also, the shy girl syndrome.  I have at least 2 if not 3 girls who are super shy and definitely going to struggle to speak up.  I hate putting them on the spot because I remember how I felt when I was young and had to be put in front of my peers.  It was my worst nightmare.  I was always afraid of being laughed at and these girls, it is the same for them.  But I can't let them go through the season completely silent.  I eventually break through all of them but you might hear my stories geared more towards that.

And of course-there are the surly fifth graders who have all the knowledge and Pre-puberty hormones to make them just difficult enough to work with but they are in place for being able to be great leaders of the group  I have at least one pegged that is going to be a great asset, now if I can just get the other group to each see their roll and take on being leaders as opposed to independent entities, we will have a wonderful team dynamic as we do every season.

I did however, do something new.  I decided that addressing the whole team when one girl is acting out isn't going to work anymore.  However, I don't like singling a girl out during practice and taking away time from the others.  So at the end of practice I pull the girls that need a little direction to the side and have a positive building session with them.  For instance, instead of saying-please don't scream constantly when you are excited, it makes me want to pull my hair out, i instead address the excitable individual with the following:

I love how much energy and excitement you have.  It really is great to have someone so happy to be here and someone who is willing to work so hard at being the best she can be.  What I want you to do is focus as much of that energy on being the best runner that you can and being a great team mate to your friends.  Its OK to get excited but lets see if we can find another way to show our excitement so that we make more friends rather than pushing people away.  Maybe we can do a hand clapping or a little dance.

-yes...dancing can be distracting but it is so much better than a shrill scream.

Kids ultimately want to make you proud, right?  So lets see if I can work from that angle and have them work for my respect and admiration instead of out of fear of being punished.  They get punished enough in life, I want to be a positive role model that they want to earn my respect from.

So here goes folks...one week down, a little over 9 more to go!  And many adventures in between.

10 Days and counting

Well, technically its more like 13 days for me till the start of a fall season full of fun and adventure with a new team of girls.

It will be strange knowing that I wont see some of the girls because they are in middle school this year AND I am going to have a new crew of cute little 3rd graders. I am over the moon with excitement.

Even more so since I found out yesterday that without me even going to the school, advertising, emailing, or any kind of heads up to the families of where I coach, I pretty much already have a full team.

I of course have the book that I follow as much as I can because sometimes we have to adjust for indoor since outdoors in the fall can be full of cold and wet days.  But I have been creative this summer with coming up with workout routines through lots of reading, working out with other people, and my own training.

Before any parents or professional trainers panic, I do not bring weights in and have my girls doing bench presses or anything crazy.  But an exercise like a mountain climber or sit ups can be great if done correctly with kids.  I am really particular about watching for form and even more excited to hopefully bring in some guest coaches again this fall and letting them take part in warming the girls up or even helping teach lessons to the girls.  The girls like the change of pace from the normal faces they see.

So I am armed with some healthy snack ideas, I am ready for inclement weather, I have tools to help push the girls both in their physical training and hopefully in their well being exercises (ie learning to tune into the right message).

So lets get it on!!!

I am no longer the new coach on the block. So as I develop writing about my coaching, I am hoping to find ways to offer bits of advice through the season for other coaches.  I have learned so much from other coaches from ideas of how to keep the girls entertained on a rainy day to ways to discipline without having to single someone out or express anger.

Keep Moving Forward.

Words will never do Justice-For I am Iron Girl

I don't know if many people will truly understand quite how amazing it was that I finished the Columbia Iron Girl Triathlon.  Yes, it is hard for everyone, and so many people have so many battles they have had to overcome to complete this goal.  Weight, time, injury, sickness, money etc.... 

I wonder how many of them had nightmares of drowning in the lake, the very first event of the Triathlon. 

I often don't tell people my greatest fears, but I will most definitely say, I was legitimately scared of drowning.  I mean, afraid of fish is one thing, and boy did I scream when that first peice of seaweed wrapped around me leg...but wait...let me back up and start, from the beginning.  And let me warn you, this might be a bit long since it is a wrap up of an entire day, which starts early...really early.

3am: I start having nightmares. I start waking up constantly afraid I have overslept, really gotten lost trying to find the course, or worse, getting there and having no gear.  What a horrible last hour of sleep.  Thankfully, I did go to bed at 9 pm so at least the first 6 hours of sleep were good.

4am: First alarm goes off and I sit in bed staring at facebook on my phone.  I have no desire to leave the safety of my bed. 

420 am: I am reminded that I need to get moving and get out the door. 

445 am: dog pee's in living room (you needed to know that right!?)

5 am: out the door, shaking as I hold my bags, hoping I didn't forget anything too important.

5:15 am: It is pitch black, and there are hundreds of people at the park.  I am trying to maintain calm as I get my body marked and walk towards my bike. I get there to find...My bike is indeed where I racked it and the tires did not go flat overnight. 

6 am: I help set up the Girls on the Run Tent.  And play on Facebook and Twitter, probably driving all my friends and family crazy.

7:30 am: I read one of my last messages before I turn off my phone from someone who knows that I am starting to panic.  I had just posted a picture of me smiling but unfortunately I can't fool him, he knows I am shaking to my core.  Thankfully, he said exactly what I needed to hear because without those words I literally might have not made it through...the swim.

7:50 am: I am standing with about 100 women with dayglo orange swim caps on, and I start shaking visibly so hard that two women grab me and start instructing me to start breathing.  Not a lot of time to recover because they start pulling me by the arms to take me into the water.

Want to know my great fear?  That my asthma along with the absolute panic that I am feeling are going to manifest into a full fledged attack. I can swim, but I am not a strong swimmer.  I make no lies about that.  But I had not prepared myself for a few things.  I knew that it was going to be hard swimming in open water with all those people around me, I had no clue what it would feel like when I got smacked in the head and pushed under the water to swallow a gallon of our famous goose poo lake.  I can't explain how frustrating it is to look at a buoy and think it looks like it is actually getting further away!  And then the nightmare.  My leg cramped and sank underneath me.  I started panicking to look for anything to grab onto.  Started to float on my back, anything to try and keep my head above water.  Finally before I thought, omg, I am going to be that woman that has to get rescued by the volunteer divers, I saw a kayak. I did what felt like a hobbled like swim to get to the kayak and hoped I could pull the charlie horse out. 

No such luck and I started to hyperventalate.  The guy on the kayak was calling for the rescue crew for another lady and I heard him say, I might have a second one with an orange cap.  I get frantic...it's come down to months of training, living my life around this, and now, they might pull me out of the water, before I even get a change to bike.. let alone RUN! 

"Sir, how much further till the end?"

Dude considers answering and finally says, "if you think you can do it, just two more buoys and you are home free".

And I remember the words my friend said, the last message I read before I turned off my phone,

"Where most people are going to love the swim and you might struggle through it, remember that they are dreading running, where you will just be doing a warm up compared to what you can do".

I wanted to run so badly and that is what pushed me off that boat.  I went to a freestyle stroke that used all arm strength with the occasional one legged kick, because my left leg was completely useless in the water at this point. It was sloppy looking, but it didn't matter because now all I kept saying is, "I JUST WANT TO RUN!!!"

8:37 am: I get out of the lake and I see Maura, one of the Girls on the Run coordinators in her bright orange shirt cheering my name.  Thanks for that.  And glad no one saw what happened next but I feel the need to share because people should understand how hard this can be for a person to go through not just physically but emotionally. 

I reach my bike in lightening speed, and start to gear up.  I am almost holding my breath until I hear the women around me talking about what a nice swim it was.  And I crumble.  I start bawling my eyes out and want to collapse.  The pain in my left calf is searing into my whole body.  Almost giving me the shakes.  And I realize at that moment, that I really was scared of going under and that it took every bit of will power to get me out of that water and every word of encouragement that people sent me over the days before.  I thought so many days before, this is so nice, all the things these people are saying, but I bet none of them knew how much I committed things to memory.  Things they posted on my facebook wall, phone calls, and texts all telling me they believed in me.  Because let me tell you, I sure as heck wasn't feeling full of a lot of belief in that moment. 

Shaking I put on my bike gloves and thought to myself...I am almost there, almost to the run.  I just need to get my feet on the ground again.

8:42 : I mount the bike.  I only needed to go about 100 feet before the rush of the wind on my face made me realize that everything was going to be ok.  The pain in my legs was real, but my resolve was stronger now.  I start flying down the first hill and I realize that the fear of crashing is something I am not so worried about anymore.  I am so elated to be out of the lake that I start singing to the women as I pass them.  Yep, I am pretty sure I was that lady on the course that drove everyone nuts.  But I promised myself I would not stop pedaling until I got back to the finish. And it was a beautiful ride.  I met people, chatted when they let me, pushed up every hill, never getting off to walk, and rode my bike faster and further than I think I ever have.  I can understand the thrill and obsession bikers face with nice long rides.  It is really quite wonderful seeing so much of the scenery and still being able to get exercise.

One lady even made fun of me, said I looked like I was just out for a Sunday Stroll because I was so relaxed while eating my Jelly Bellies. 

9:55 I pull up to Centennial Lane and I hear familiar voices calling my name.  Its my best friend Bryan, my sister Beth, and her daughter Sophia.  My heart soared.  I knew Bryan would be there, he promised to come cheer me on, but I didn't think he would be at the bike area as I rounded my last turn.  I didn't know my sister and neice would be there.  My smile was huge as I dismounted and started ripping off gear while running with my bike.  I threw my bike on the rack and dropped everything on the ground and sprinted out the gate.  Transition time=1 minute .  I wasn't joking, I couldn't wait to start running.  I apparently was so fast that my cheering crew missed getting to see me go out the running gate.

And while I can run a 7:30 mile pace, I was aware that was going to prove to be impossible after everything I had done.  I was shooting for 10 min pace.  But seeing those people, that I care for so much cheering for me, I ended up pushing 9:15 pace for 3.5 miles. 

The things you never experience as a runner, became amazingly evident this time to me.  Severe muscle cramps to the point that my legs would start shaking in pain. You could see the cramping in my legs.  But I was in my element, and I refused to think about the swim anymore and what it had done to my legs, I refused to think of the fact that I had a knee that swelled over the 17.5 mile bike ride.  I just loved being back where I belonged.  hitting the pavement hard with my bright pink shoes. And knowing that I was getting closer to the finish with each and every step. 

I have an uncanny gift for being able to talk/sing out loud while I run no matter how tired and I was cheering on the women left and right as I passed them. 

10:25 am: the pink finish line is visible.  And I push with all my might.  My legs start locking up, I can't describe the pain that was shooting through them.  I can't express how through all this I kept repeating everything people had said to me.  And how that final last burst to run all the way across those blue pads was all because of the people who came to cheer me on giving me that extra boost of motivation.

And there at the end of the chute was my daughter and her friend Elizabeth and mother Jo-Ann and I even got to take a picture with the girls after they put my medal on me.  Marking a moment I will hold onto forever. 

Advice that I can give to anyone who wants to do a triathlon-no matter what length...Just do it.  Train as best as you can, ask for help when you need it, and push, because it will be hard no matter what.  You can have all the best gear in the world, and have the best trainers in the world, but when it comes down to it, I think that it comes down to the amount of heart a person has. 

My heart is full and strong because so many people around me made it that way.

As for me doing this ever again. No thanks folks.  It is not for me.  I give credit to those women who do this regularly.  I however, will not swim competitively ever again.  I will do a relay team some day, as biking and running are things I feel much safer.  Maybe I will do a dualathlon (run-bike-run).  But I leave the triathon circuit to pursue other bucket list items.  Forthcoming I am sure.

But I can say, I am proud of what I did.  Because in the end I raised over $2400 for Girls on the Run!  That is about $110 for every mile that I did in the Triathlon.  Not bad for a day's work.

And I can't wait to share it with the girls on my team that I coach this coming Fall!

Pre-Race

This below is a letter I posted to the TriColumbia Association about what inspired me to join this tri-athlon.  And as I prepped to get ready for it, I couldn't think of a better way to sum up what it meant for me as I got ready the night before.  There is so much more I wish I could say, but I have a forthcoming blog for that.

So how does a woman sum up a year of her life events leading to making the decision to compete in the Iron Girl Triathlon.  I guess I should start with the beginning, the death of a friend's neighbor who was a great mother.  The end of her life brought to light for me an organization that she cherished dearly for her own daughters, Girls on the Run.  I found my local chapter in Howard county and met the director Susan and immediately I knew this was going to change my life forever.  As a woman who had lost a lot of faith in herself, I am a little surprised that I let myself attempt to be a mentor for young girls.  I was drawn to this program in a big way though seeing as my years of running had been what pushed me through the hardest times in my life.

Over the coming months, as I would teach lessons and coach these girls on, I began to change and start to believe in myself.  When you are told this program works, you assume they just mean it works for the kids.  You never take into account that, it works for adults too. 

And the most amazing thing happened, I began running again.  I had dabbled in running for nearly 10 years off and on, but there is a difference between dabbling and waking up every day and trying to figure out when you can squeeze in a couple of miles because you need to get your feet into a pair of running shoes. 

So when the spring season came and I was given the opportunity to coach again, I couldn't hand Susan my papers fast enough. 

I made life changes by not only running but following another dream of starting to take a martial art.  And I of course decided to go big and train in Brazilian Jujitsui. 

It was a night after a great workout with my gym and coaching of 15 wonderful little girls that I came home to an email from the director asking people to join their fundraising team called Solemates.  A group that raised money in support of Girls on the Run through running events and Triathlons.  On my workout high I decided to join and chose the Triathlon.  Something I had never dreamed of doing in my entire life. 

And then it set in, I just enlisted to do what I always told myself was impossible.  And I started to feel that doubt creep back into my body.  How was I was supposed to find the time and energy as a single mom to train properly for such an event?  To make matters worse, I didn't even own a bike anymore because I discovered days after signing up for the event, that my bike had been stolen.  Oh, and there is also my irrational fear or swimming in open water where there are fish.  Yep, I am petrified of swimming with fish.

But I found this quote:

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

Who was to say that competing in a Triathlon was impossible other than me.  So what, I am afraid of fish.  So what, I don't own a bike.  So what, that I work a full time job, have kids, in school, coach, and all the normal things people have in life, I can add training for a Triathlon to that!

But I refused to train in swimming and biking that first two months. 

But Susan in her genius ways seemed to know something I didn't and went to the root of who I am, with competition.  Let see who can raise the most money.  And I wanted to raise so much money for these little girls to give back to them, what they gave to me. 

So I pushed it out to my friends, family and coworkers what I was working towards. 

In a 24 hour period I received $700, and over a 30 day period I raised over $1000.  And during that time a friend of mine also learned of my battle with no bike and showed up at my house with a wonderful bike.  I thought to borrow until I could afford to buy one, and she shook her head and told me it was mine to keep.

And it sank in, all these people believed not only in my cause, but also in me.

So the next day, I jumped into a pool for the first time in years and swam till my arms turned into shaking jello messes.

And now, as I stand here on the ten day countdown till I compete, I realize something that I couldn't believe when I started all this.  I am not just a runner anymore.  I am not just a mother or a coach, a friend or a coworker.  I am not even just a Triathlete.  I am already an Iron Girl.  What makes a person an Iron Girl isn't competing at some event.  It's living to tell the journey of the struggles and milestones that you have gone through as a woman to achieve a goal, you never thought possible.  By the day of the Iron Girl, I should have raised more than double my original goal, I will have earned being a SoleMate to 15 little girls who will benefit from all my hard work, and I will be the mother that runs across a finish line in front of her own daughter to show her that no matter what the world may say about how she can't do something, or she is "just a girl".  That as long as she says and believes she can do it, she, like her mother, can do the impossible.

This is what drives me, not to become an Iron Girl, but to show the world, just what an Iron Girl can do.

Jillianne M Shear

Writer's Block

Yeah, I know I know...I am not some official writer. Shoot, I am lucky that I have a handful of followers on my blog.  I mean, it is long winded, self serving to write about your life and hope that people want to read it and actually enjoy the words you put out there.

Oh cruel world, how I bare my soul to you and reap no rewards. 

Ha...ok, back to our program.

So 9 days left, and I am...petrified.  As each day to my first Triathlon competition brings me closer to the event, I get more and more nervous.  I have a crud in my belly that won't go away.  I know what I want, I want to do well.  I want to know that I go into this event with all my money raised for these kids.  And...I want world peace.

ok, forgoing world peace, because then I might actually be out of a job, I will settle for a big glass of margarita and some chips and salsa on the side.

So over the past week I have been 'slowing down'.  In other words, less gym time, more endurance training and stretching.  It sucks when you go running though with only two weeks left and you roll your ankle under you over a pine cone.  Or when every time you try to get into a pool, there is a freak thunderstorm closing the pools down (both indoors and out!).  Or you get done with a great workout of biking/running only to realize that you are not only suffering the effects of dehydration but wait, what is that pain....?  Oh, the beginnings of shin splints. 

No big deal. 

Achy knees, dehydration, slightly sprained ankle, and the beginnings of shin splints.  This is just a normal day in the running life of Jillianne.  Yeppers! 

But proactive is set in, I take my NSAIDS, drinking tons of fluids, taking my daily vitamin, staying away from the sick people, massaging my legs with enough bengay that the old men at the nursing homes should be jealous and now-I am doing what I tell others never to do.  Introducing something new into my exercise. 

Rock Tape.  It gets delivered this afternoon.  I am hesitant to believe it is truly the miracle it claims to be.  But at this point I a mildly desperate.  I mean, between two bad knees, two bad shins, and now a bad ankle-I gotta do it. 

I tell people not to try to make big changes to what they know less than two weeks out of their event.  Its good practice usually because people make big changes and they get injured so often.

But the pain that is shooting through my legs, even when I am just sitting at my desk at work, has become almost unbearable in the past couple of days.

You see, Runners, we are a strange breed.  We formulate traditions, patterns and we don't change things drastically.  It takes us time to accept that change is ok.  I get a pair of shoes, and I will live with them for years before considering a new brand.  Often I wont even change brands or styles for that matter until they discontinue it.  I have a rule about not wearing jewelry for racing.  It took me till I was 28 years old before I could run with a pair of sunglasses.  I was 27 before I changed from all cotton running gear to a more athletic/breathable material. I was 29 before I realized that running in tight compression gear was actually advantageous. It took me 9 years to go see a physical therapist to treat my knee injuries.

You get the drift, right?

And you wonder, what prompted me to consider throwing myself a curve ball so close to game time?  One word, "KIDS!"

I promised myself I would do my absolute best for these kids.  I know to everyone else, maybe it is impressive that I am going to complete a Triathlon.  But for me, it is more impressive to literally leave it all out on the playing field.  And I have been giving it my all.  I want to achieve something I never could have thought possible and make a good show in my division AND try to finish in two hours (I am excluding transition times for this because I am sure I will crash in the transition zone when i get off my bike.  I feel sorry for those ladies when I try running out of there with legs like lead!)

But I can't wait to start coaching this fall and seeing all those little girls and showing them pictures of what their coach did for them. Faced my fears, overcame the impossible, and worked hard the whole way through. 

I can't wait, for them to be proud to have me as their coach, as I am proud of them for coming out to practices every day and completing a 5k and improving their own personal lives.

It's time, to see if I can push through these final obstacles and overcome the pain.  The thing is, I know I can.

The life of a single mom while training

"The person who says you can't, and the person who says you can, is usually the same person"
~on the wall at Crazy 88 Brazilian Jiujitsu gym

I like the above quote because it is on the wall in the workout room where we hold women's boot camp training.  I started training at this new gym at the beginning of March.  I was telling a friend how hard it was for me at first.  It was unlike anything I have ever done in my life.  Doing Brazilian Jiujitsu was a totally different activity for me and they also have this women's only class which I describe as body conditioning lead by the most chipper fit happy-go-lucky blond bundle of energy that says her name is Ally (I sometimes called her Satan for the things she made me put my body through).

For months I looked at the quote on the wall and didn't really give it much credit. I don't know...my mind just sort of went through the motions, and tried to just survive those first two months while trying not to lose my grip on my first passion of running.

Then a group of the ladies from class came out to support the local Girls on the Run in Howard County, bringing out their children, nieces, and friends.  It totally blew my mind seeing this sort of support from people who I had only met two months before.  I came back to class shortly after seeing them all at the 5k and looked up at the wall and thought...

"Hm, the only person stopping me from the things I want, is me."

I know, right! Seemed so obvious from the beginning.  I mean honestly, I am a runner, I know this, that my biggest enemy is myself.  But I guess I didn't want to accept that my weight was something I could control, the amount of time I dedicated to training was in my control.

And something set off like a fire in me.  I started coming to more classes and instead of just doing the minimum weights, I started pushing higher weights, instead of making an excuse about some bad knee, I adjusted and did the exercise without complaint.  I started cheering on my fellow workout partners during workouts.  And I changed my diet to include cutting out junk, alcohol, soda, and fast food (not just restaurant fast food but those packages of ready make meals and rices and pasta).  Over the upcoming weeks, I would see something I never thought possible.

I lost weight.

And why is this so amazing that a diet and exercise would help me lose weight?  It brings me to the title of this post, The life of a single mom AND training.

Kids are notoriously picky eaters at certain stages of life.  I have two just such eaters that I struggle to cook for and get them to eat without having to make two completely separate meals.  So like most single moms, I resort to hot dogs, mac-n-cheese, nuggets, veggie sticks, fruit, sandwiches...pizza.  See the problem with this sort of diet for someone who is trying to get fit?  Fat and Carbs.

NOW HOLD UP-I love carbs but there is a difference between pizza, fries, mac-n-cheese and baked potato, whole grain bread, and pasta.

But suddenly...I wanted to attempt to see if losing weight was possible while still somehow managing to shove food down my children's faces and still all no a budget.  Along with all this...I needed to squeeze in training!  Lots of training.

So when I would pick up the kids from day-care I was rushing them home and feeding them something quickly. Some nights I would go all out and make them steak (yeah, I have those kids who absolutely love steak) and other nights I would make them pb&j.  When finished, we would gather our things, and head to the gym for up to two hours.  poor things had to spend two hours playing on rock climbing walls, making arts and crafts, playing video games, you get the picture...they had fun.  And I would work my butt off thinking the whole while how I was going to manage to find 600 calories of food that balanced out the rest of my daily needs.

But I got creative.  A meal is what you make of it, a bowl of fruit, toast with pb and a big glass of almond milk, a cheese stick, and maybe some pepper slices.  I would get stuffed, have gotten carbs, vitamins, protein, fat, dairy.  I started trying to live better and make the better choices.  The first weeks were the hardest.  Saying no to the stops at Drive thru's, saying no to the treats brought into the office, avoiding vending machines...etc.  It was hard changing our lives around to meet my needs.  But my goal was to lose 5 lbs in 2 months to feel like I was trying to participate in our class's 10lb challenge. I just couldn't see it being possible to lose 10lbs on my frame.  I am really not a big girl.

Starting weight 163.9 . Yep, I admit it...I was...not fat by any measure but..room for improvement existed (I am 5'8" so this is well within my safe weight range).  And what I told myself was this-Imagine every one of those lbs as brick.  5 lbs =1 brick.  Imagine running with that brick strapped to your waist and then imagine ripping it off in the middle of a race and throwing it away.  I wanted to lose one brick.

July 7th -Just a week over two month goal and I stepped on my scale at home.  I was feeling bloated, heavy...I had ate some chocolate the night before.  I was so sure I had killed 9 weeks of hard work.

And I almost cried when I saw something I haven't seen in almost 8 years-
149.5 lbs.  I had lost almost 15 lbs!!! 

That is three standard red clay bricks!

I looked in the mirror and realized for the first time that my arms and face actually looked smaller, that I could see muscle definition and for the first time in almost a decade, since I left college level cross country, that I was starting to get a flatter more tone looking stomach. 

And I wanted to dance around, scream, cheer, hug someone.  I just wanted to shout out to the world, I DID IT! 

For those of you who have experienced feeling overweight, fat, or just not comfortable in your body and then got to go through the transformation, you know what I felt like. 

And funny thing, when I used to lose a lb or two before I would reward myself with food!!  Seriously...!

But now, my reward to myself was to go to the gym and brag to my fearless trainer who constantly gave encouragement and support through my whole journey.  So as I walked into the class room, set my kids up with arts and crafts and games, I could barely contain myself as I blurted out to the trainer and my partner for the day:

"I weighed in under 150 lbs for the first time in years!  "

And what happened next is why I love going to my gym, both women hugged me and said such nice things.  Desima (I know i don't know how to spell her name) and Ally both have been encouraging me the entire way, telling me on days when I was feeling down about things that they could see improvement in my body and fitness. They could have been lying that day, but so many of those days I needed to hear it and now here they were giving me a hug and congratulating me. 

And I realized as I saw the sign on the wall that day during training, that I finally had listened to the right person, myself, I can do it.  It's like the lesson we teach our teams.  Tuning into the right message and choosing our friends.  I finally did what I teach.

So while I am 100% about how the numbers don't matter, I have one more small goal in my weight loss dream and that is to lose one more brick before this Triathlon.  Just 5 lbs in the next 5 weeks.  And this time, I know I can do it. 

And the whole time, I did this as a single mother who still feeds her kids short cut meals some nights, who still has a million things to do when I get home tired from the gym, and who still gets "mom-guilt" for dragging my children to races, training, and gyms.  However,  I finally stopped making excuses and started making choices.

My Fourth of July Challenge

I am having a challenge for all my friends to join.  I am going to start by running around Lake Centennial as a warm up which anyone just looking for a good run, I will be out there for at 8:15 am.  Not that it will take me 45 minutes to run around the lake but I will probably run a little extra till 9 am to meet anyone who wants to try and get their workout done before hitting up their BBQ and drinking or hanging out with friends and family.

Schedule:
9 am meet at lake centennial-will edit with directions later tonight.
   Warm up
9:15 Start exercise

Run for approximately 8 minutes around the lake at a ten min/mil pace (running as a group is encouraged)
50 burpees
Run for 3 minutes
75 squats
Run for 3 minutes
Push up to side planks (5 second holds) x 10 on each side
Run for 3 minutes
flutter kicks (counts of 4) x 25
Run for 3 minutes
50 push ups (start with full push up and work into modified knee position)
Bicycle Crunch (count of 4) x25
Run for remaining course Indian Run Style (if a group of 5+ makes it otherwise, run interval pacing at Jillianne's pace)

 Stretch

This should take about 45 minutes to complete the entire circuit around the lake.

This is open to anyone who wants to come.  Everyone should be able to keep up with the cardio, we wont be going fast.  And the exercises we will do our best, not everyone can hit these counts right now.

For every person (21+) that comes I will bring you an ice cold beer for after(Don't judge me you Girls on the Run fans, drinking responsibly is OK).  I will also have cold water for anyone who needs it afterwards.  And some sliced watermelon.

Come out and get your Fourth of July off to a great start!  And hey, like I said, I will provide the beer as your motivation to come out (its 5 o'clock somewhere, right!?)

That Annoying Friend who is always working out

I have become that friend, you know the one: Doesn't really eat junk food, doesn't drink more than 1-2 alcoholic drinks, works out every day for extensive periods, and it constantly talking about it all.

Yeah, that's me alright.  There is more to me than that, but my life has become consumed with training for the Triathlon.  Even my kids are starting to think I am a weirdo.  It's sad when your daughter says to you, "You know, you go to the gym more than daddy does now.  Do you ever take a break?"  She is only seven and lives 50% of her time in her dad's home.  And she grew up with a fitness and health obsessed father and her mother was always more easy going about such things. 

6 months ago I wasn't that friend.  I was normal, ran a bit, lifted some light weights, and ate whatever I felt like eating.  I wasn't big, but I wasn't necessarily in shape contrary to belief. 

But what took me from just running and still being "semi-normal" to this crazed fitness obsessed woman you see now?

If I say a guy, I can just hear the collective groan from everyone but in a sense it was a guy.  No, I am not trying to impress some guy or doing this for him.  But one day we were having a conversation about people's bodies, and their perceptions.  And he said a key statement that changed me in a very positive way. 

He said his biggest pet peeve isn't what someone actually looks like physically in their body.  He used this phrase, "I don't care what a woman actually looks like. What drives me crazy is when someone complains about their body and does absolutely nothing about it to change who they are.  Either fix it somehow or just learn to accept who you are and be confident in that."

And it was exactly what I needed to hear. 

In Girls on the Run we teach a lesson about tuning into the right message.  And when my friend said this, it was like I had changed the radio dial in my head to this station that kept repeating to me-you can do this.  If you want it bad enough you can do this.



So I started listening to the right messages. Being encouraged by this same friend to join a new gym to learn Muay Thai kick boxing, but little did he know I would fall in love with Brazilian Jujitsu.  The women I met here are like me, strong, kind, and driven.  As I have heard over and over, it's a unique woman that will get on a mat in close contact and grapple with a man.  I have to agree though, there is nothing like having your face smashed between some guy's legs your first week of class to make or break you in Jujitsu as a woman.

So now my friend is two for two in motivating me.  And now I am surrounded by men and women who are all tuned into this message-that fitness can be fun and is important and measured at so many different levels. My support system has changed.  I still love all my friends that I have been hanging out with and known for years.  But waking up to messages from people asking if they are going to see you at a workout class, that they missed you when you were gone. They aren't trying to make me feel guilty, quite the opposite.  They actually enjoy my presence at workout sessions. 

So, yeah...maybe I am that nut job that is posting about eating healthy, fitness, and exercise all the time.  Maybe it annoys you because it makes you feel guilty or like I am showing off. 

But maybe, you should tune into a new message yourself if this is how you feel about my recent movement into exercise. Maybe, you have been tuned into the wrong station for too long and forgotten that you too, can be more fit and healthy and happier in your body.

So maybe my challenge to you isn't to ignore or be annoyed by my never ending updates and check-ins at a gym or park to exercise.  Maybe instead you should just call me up and come join me for a run.  Heaven knows, I am always looking for company and I would enjoy yours. 

Generousity

I woke up this morning blown away by the generosity of my friends, family, and coworkers.

Let me start from the beginning.  About two months ago my director sent an email asking if anyone wanted to join SoleMates®.  A group that raises money directly for their chapter of Girls on the Run.  They participate in different races throughout the year and competitions.  One of the events that you could join was the Athleta Iron Girl Columbia Triathlon in Columbia, MD (I happen to live here). 

I have NEVER wanted to participate in any triathlon whether it was a sprint (.5 mi swim/ 17 mi bike/ 5k run) or it was a full.  I hate swimming in lakes where you can't see the bottom and its murky and slimy and there are fish and possible snakes and leaches and heaven help me if I really know.  I get the creeps thinking about it. 

But it was like I couldn't control myself, I had this weird out of body experience and the next thing I knew I was getting an email back from my director with all the forms and a couple hours later I was writing a check for my entry into or local triathlon. 

WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!???

Did I mention my deep fear of fish...it's completely irrational, I get that but fish belong on my plate, not skimming by my legs while I swim. 

And for the first month or so I started almost going through the stages or grief. 

I went through stages of shock, denial, anger, depression...I mean it.  I was scared out of my mind and didn't want to believe I had committed to such an undertaking.  Even worse, is that I was even unsure if I could raise all the money I needed to raise. 

Then I started racing, and noticed that I had become a stronger runner. 

I kept going to my boot camp and Brazilian Jujitsu classes and noticed I was getting stronger and more adept at the movements. 

Then the impossible happened, I started believing, maybe I can do this.  Don't get my wrong, I still am freaked by the fish, but something tells me I will survive the perils of Lake Centennial. 

So I finally pushed the word out to my friends, family, and coworkers.  I need money-but it's for a good cause.  I feel so bad sometimes harassing people in this day and age when I know how tight things are for everyone. But as tight as things are for them, they have opened their wallets, reached in deep and in my first 30 days helped donate over a thousand dollars.  I still have over 60 days to go!

And I woke up this morning to see another donation and I thought to myself, I wonder if all these people realize how much this means to me.  Every donation makes me believe in myself and helps me work a little harder because ultimately it is the girls that win.  Every dollar insures that another little girl will find her spot on a team and hopefully be able to gain the wisdom, inspiration, and motivation to believe in herself more. 

So tonight when I am struggling through my two hours of working out and thinking of how much I want to go have drinks at happy hour with my friends that I miss so much, I know they will forgive me for not hanging out while I go and get Girls on the Run Strong for this competition. 

My social life has suffered in some ways due to my dedication to doing the best that I can but my friends who are really my friends understand and will be there for me when this is all done and until then they are some of the people along with my family that I lean on for support to encourage me that, "I can do this".

And I leave you with this:

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

― Mahatma Gandhi 

My donation page if you are interested:
Jillianne's Fundraising page

Strong Women

I went running last night (surprise surprise) but if you knew how tired I was, how much I have been struggling with breathing in the heavily pollinated air thick and muggy over our beautifully hot weekend, and that I had just returned home from a BBQ where my friends generously supplied me with amazing food and beer...you would understand why last night was such a struggle to lace up my shoes.  But inspiration comes in the funniest forms some days. 

So as I started my run and immediately knew that my workout from the day before and being on my feet all day had left my legs stiff and heavy, I knew I wasn't going to get far.  I actually almost admitted defeat immediately.  Thinking that my couch looked so much more appealing now than it ever did.  I kept moving forward though, not letting myself turn around saying...I will just go to the pool and back, then, I will just go to the turnabout and back, and then as I neared the turnabout I felt something loosen in my legs and it was like my stride came back.  My breathing relaxed, my muscles felt long again, and my resolve grew stronger.

And there was a moment when I knew what I was thinking about that kept me going.  The women in my family.  Specifically my Aunt Diane and my Grandma Marie.  You see, they might might not like that I write this but the truth is that they have struggled with obesity for as many years as I have known them.  I personally don't ever remember them not being overweight.  I haven't seen my aunt in years face to face but I grew up living a portion of my life with my grandmother.  She is so very dear to me.  She taught me to love food, gardening, birds, nature, beaches, books, and math.  Yep, I learned to love math from a woman in my family who grew up with a generation where girls were too 'stupid' to get math.  Talk about an amazing role model to grow up with.  She can literally walk into a store with $20 and walk out with enough stuff to cook meals for a week.  I don't know how she does it but she knows how to work with very little.  I guess growing up pretty much near the poverty line, getting pregnant early and people judging her, and all the hardships in her life and coming out on this side as one of the most kind hearted giving individuals, she is who I strive to be like every day.

But I thought about her and my aunt in a different way last night as I ran thinking of all sorts of struggles that they exemplify in all women I know.   They put their families first and foremost taking care of their children to the best of their ability.  You want to know the measure of a great woman, just check out her kids and you will know that they are a direct reflection on their parent.  Both my mother and her sister are smart, kind, would give you the shirt off their back if you needed it.  And They both have put others first in their lives before their own health. 

And now I worry about all three of those women.  I want my girls to grow up knowing such amazing women in their lives.  Strong and smart and different than what the world told them to be.  And in a funny way, it was through their struggle that I decided to make the choice to take care of my body now.  While I ran last night and thought about that 8 lbs that I want to lose so badly, I thought about all the pain my body has to go through and how hard it is just to lose 8 lbs.  And that is what triggered the thoughts of my grandmother and aunt.  They are 20-40 years older than myself, their bodies already struggling to let them exercise, bad eating habits over decades, and they have much more weight to lose than I do.  I felt selfish struggling with my 8 lbs and thinking how I wanted just to skip the rest of my run and go home and eat some chocolate and realized, I wonder how many times they feel like this.  This is just too hard, I might as well just go home and eat dinner/snack.  And yet, I know that recently they have taken their first steps to start taking care of themselves. 

I see posts and updates from my aunt now on facebook talking about her swimming and elliptical that she is training on.  I think about how hard it has to be to take those first steps and then keep moving forward.  I have friends all the time that start workout plans, ideas but eventually let them fall to the way side for partying, drinking, kids, work, life in general.  And I keep hoping that my family will not let that happen to them.  I am their number one cheerleader in their corner.  Screaming as loud as I can, "You CAN do this".  Do you know how amazing that would be to show my daughters how the women in my family just don't accept defeat. 

So I finished my run last night and was walking my cool down home through the path near my house and the song came on my ipod.  Shake it Off by Florence and the Machine.  And at that moment I got to see the entire footpath sparkle with first fire flies of summer and I thought to myself ...I can go just a little bit further and started running again and listening and enjoying the moment and thinking, I hope the women in my family achieve their goals for a healthier life.  I hope they see that they inspire me to do so much of what I do so that my girls will have a strong role model too.  And I hope they know how much their children appreciate that sacrifices they made in their lives for us (I am sure my siblings and cousins would agree) and that we all just want them to be healthy and happy.

So as I watched the path twinkle and will hold onto the peaceful moment forever, and listening to a song that I am sure the women in my family could truly appreciate in their current quest, I hope that each day brings us all closer to the day when I can take my grandmother on her life long dream to hike the Appalachian trail.  Something I have wanted to do with her since she told me at 10 years old that it is a dream of hers. 

So Aunt Diane, Grandma, and Mom, this song goes out to you in hopes that when it really is hard and you want to quit, that you know I find so much inspiration in you. 

Celebrate!

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” ~~Oprah Winfrey

You know in life we will encounter hardships, hard times financially, stress from work and family, and loss of people important to us.  Sunday I went to a funeral for a mentor of mine Mark Tise.  It was probably one of the most emotional good byes I have ever had to make.  He was one of those people that you wished you could be, with the most amazing heart.  He was always on the go, always with his family, and always volunteering time to activities that touched his heart.  A few years back he gave me a job and during that time he didn't just treat me like an employee, I felt more like family.  He has kept in touch and followed my life since I left the job he gave me.  He gave glowing recommendations to future employers, never begrudging me for moving forward in my life.  Maybe that is where I get the drive to keep moving forward to this day.  From him sitting me down on my last day at work telling me never to get stuck, but to use all of life's gifts as stepping off points for something bigger and better.

So Mark, this post goes out to you and primarily your family as they now cope with the heartbreaking loss of a wonderful father and husband. 

Monday is the final day for Girls on the Run.  Last week we did a Community service project.  The girls wrote letters to people that had great effect on their lives and collected can goods for a food drive.  I will be taking a nice size box of goods to the Howard County Food bank with a card my daughter is helping me to make this week.

The thing they were most excited about was the end of year celebration.  Its exciting because some of the girls are moving on to middle school next year!  So I tried to make it something special.  As the girls' parents filtered into the room, we held a circle much like how we started the year.  Listening to the girls say something they now knew about their teammate that they didn't know before the season started.  You heard about new friendships, personality traits, and characteristics that I don't think the girls always recognized about themselves.  I loved watching the girls as they light up in response to their friends talking about them.  I loved hearing the one girl say she had made a best friend and the other girl just lighting up as they started talking about each other naming off a million things they had learned.

Then we did a little awards ceremony since many of the parents had arrived.  The 3rd and 4th graders got to go first, getting their team picture and a little something nice said about them from me.  I loved letting them each be recognized and clapped for in the front of the room. 

Then the one's that leave me, I decided to do something special.  I got them each a Girls on the Run necklace with a little silver coin on the runner Adelaide engraved-The GotR Trademark Logo.  I think what was really cute was how the rest of the group got so excited for them, but also hearing them say, they would never quit GotR now.  My evil plan worked to encourage ongoing registration!  Actually what really won everyone over was something special that I have been planning all season. 

On of the originals, a girl who has been with Girls on the Run since it started in Howard County, bringing out new girls every season, and always coming ready to be on the team.  And in the past year since I met her she has opened up, become a leader and really exemplified why this program works and is so amazing.  While many of her lessons were similar over the years, she made it a priority to learn as much as she could every practice, to be in the right state of mind and always work hard. Her mom also a huge supporter of the program since it began has been great at being at every event that the girls have.  It was really great to get to so something special for her so I put together a nice frame with a picture of her mom, myself, and her all on our 5k day in matching colored shirts (I dont even think her mom could have planned that better), and a team picture, and her certificate all framed for her to proudly display for the years to come.  I wish I could have done so much more but as with kids, they are easily pleased with even the simplest of gestures.  My own daughter was excited to see the face of our runner when she got her gift. 

And the many oohs and ahs really meant a lot from the kids.  Oh, I have set the bar now, don't worry, I am aware that all the girls that have been here every season are excited to hopefully get something similar next season.  I am sure I will maintain my own standards.  But it was something I did for the fact that she has been probably the first one signed up every single season since it was made available to her.  And not because her mom told her she had to do it, but because she truly enjoyed it. 

So we did our final cheer for the end of the year and I looked down at their little faces and though, the years go by so fast that my own daughter will be doing this with me in no time at all.  Soon, I will be sending her off to middle school myself.  Oh...I can't believe she is going into second grade already!

The girls parents stayed around with the girls snacking on all the goodies we brought in.  Being the coach I did my job to bring them healthy foods-veggie sticks, light dip, 100% juice, watermelon, and pineapple slices.  My own daughters had a blast playing with all the kids, eating junk food by the mounds, and I enjoyed getting to see all the girls hang out with their friends and the parents getting to finally hang out and chat with each other.  Usually pick ups everyone is in such a hurry they don't get to talk to the other parents or myself.  I think some of the parents probably think I am crazy now because I couldn't eat anything yesterday and was beside myself on medication because of the searing pain shooting through my jaw.  I will say though, I have kept my promise-sick, hurt, or just busy I have never missed a practice for those girls.  Which has been wonderful. 

The nice thing was how helpful the parents were at picking up with me, helping me load my car, and chatting with me.  I honestly am always a little more overwhelmed than I think I ever let on so it is always appreciated when they go out of their way to give me an extra hand.  And it was nice to get to chat with some of them about their daughters and even about my own kids.  Many of them don't realize that I am a single parent or when they do I think they all believe my kids must be older.  When you see that I have a 2 year old (she is nearly 3) and a 7 year old you realize what exactly I am going through some days.

So the season has come to a close, my tears have been shed.  I now will focus on training for the Iron Girl Triathlon for August so stay tuned to the blog for my random life of training, and waiting for the fall season to start.  In the mean time -Keep Moving Foward!

I am Famous ;-)

Saturday night I ran the Warrior Dash with a group of amazing women from my gym: http://88bjj.com/  .  Seriously, this group has been wonderful supporting me when I am so new there and coming out to support my little team.  So the least I could do was go have a good time with them at the Warrior Dash. 

For those of you who don't know the Warrior Dash (not to be confused with the Tough Mudder which i plan on doing soon too) is a 5k Obstacle course.  You can find videos of it everywhere. 

Anyways, after driving for two hours and rushing to get our race bibs we we super excited to run our course partnering up with someone at a similar skill level.  At the end you have you have to crawl through a mud pit for about 15 yards (that is 45 feet of basically swimming through mud).  This might not sound like much but we were covered from head to toe in MUD.  It was awesome getting a team picture with the people that all completed the course.  And as we walked off to get hosed off, a woman stopped me.

Woman:  I am sorry, but are you a Girls on the Run coach?

Me: um, Yes, How did you know that.  (checks myself to see if I am wearing any GotR logo gear, I do on occasion)

Woman: My daughter, Ally, the little girl over there (a little girl of about 6-7 years old playing with a ball of mud that I had just had a conversation with looks over at me bashfully) recognized you. 

Me: wow!  She did, but she isn't even old enough to be on a team? 

Alright, we could go through this whole conversation but short end of the story, the girl had come to the spring 5k with her sister and mother and recognized me because of me wearing a tutu at the event.  I was so amazed, I felt famous because not only was I two hours away from home, they had come from even further since they are from one of the schools in the neighboring county that just joined our Chapter of GotR. 

So here I was, covered in mud beyond recognition in my opinion, over two hours from home, wearing absolutely nothing relating to my team or to GotR in general and a little girl out of a huge crowd recognized me! 

I definitely went back up to her and chatted with her for a little bit.  But seriously, it was so cool that I had to share with everyone. 

Final 5K day!!!!!

This wasn't to be the last time I see the girls like last season, this is just our district's 5k.  They pushed it up a week and pushed back the community service project by a week, which I loved actually. 

So in tradition I took my daughter to have pizza and ice cream the night before.  We sort of have a little tradition of spending the night together prepping for the next day.  basically I spoil her rotten and then she passes out from a sugar crash and I stay up will 2 am making sure I have absolutely everything I need. Yep, I am that girl with the OCD about planning.

My goodness I got a tutu made, I got all the girls' gear ready, I made signs, I got my clothes and my daughter's clothes ready, music, backpack, socks, first aid kit, snacks/drinks for my daughter, camera, phone....it goes on. We wake up at 530 am and pack up the car, get dressed, try to shove something down our sleep deprived faces, and by 630 we are on the road to head to the race course and start putting up signs. 

Then we arrive and that is madness.  Girls are everywhere and no where to be found.  I have a group of girls that runs off to go to the bathroom just as we are gathering for a team picture.  We have girls freaking out because their running buddy isn't there yet.  We have girls overly peppy and some that look like they could just curl up and go to sleep in the grass. 

It is a beautiful day for running and let me tell you the things that go wrong first-
WATER!!!!  They usually have more than enough water for our events but unfortunately the group is growing at such a rate and our volunteers are not coming out of the woodwork as quickly.  Next season I am hoping we can make fliers for the teachers to volunteer to support their students.  And trying to get a hold of a few local sponsors to come out and do water tables.  Let me tell you how much it sucks when you have little girls running and it creeps up to near 80 degrees by the time they are done running. 

And let me put this out there now-all you selfish adults that could have waited till the end of the race or when you got home to get a drink, screw you for making some of those little girls suffer.  I saw you getting your second cup of water as the supply slowly dwindled.  I have no shame in taking that cup from your hand and giving it to a little girl near tears because she is sweating and exhausted, her short little legs trying to keep up with you and you are chugging water like you are dying in front of her.  yep, I said it. 

My daughter and her friend Gianna (my assistant coach's daughter) were kind enough when they saw one of the girls on my team and they were drinking their water, they combined what they had left and gave her a full cup of water on the course knowing full well there would be no water when she got to the water stop.  THAT is what adults should be doing and it took two seven year olds, both not even a part of this organization and smaller than most anyone else out there, to give up their water to help out another girl.  I am so proud of my daughter and her friend for that.  Trust me, I rewarded them well at the end of the course. 

Now, as a coach I can't divulage personal information about girls and their disabilities or gifts even.  But I have each season been given the gift of a girl with challenges. And each season I am proud to say that my entire team finished the entire course.  And as I watched the most amazing thing, all my tired girls from the team rallying to cheer on my daughter and their final team mates and joining them at the end so that they would run strong and with their head held high across that finish line, it took everything to hold back tears.  All you coaches out there can think you have the best team ever-but my girls were out there cheering even for your girls as they finished until every single girl came across that line.  I can't say that there are a lot of people out there cheering when they hit that hour mark.  And I am so proud that they do that on their own.  I don't think my parents even know, I never ever told my team to do that, I have never asked such a thing from them.  Yet I stand there surrounded by most of my team and they dragged their tired parents along and tell them to cheer. 

I have the BEST TEAM ever.  Cause they know that in the end what matters is getting everyone across that line and never letting them quit. 

I will call out my team mates from Crazy 88! You guys made my heart soar as I saw you out there with your own children.  Making your way through the course, cheering on kids that you have never met. You all have known me for only a few short months and you took time off your saturday morning to share this experience and understand why I am the weirdo that loves running so much.  I can't wait to see you all at training and our own events coming up.  (and as thanks for all the support through fb, twitter, and your physical presences I post a link to the gym's site: http://88bjj.com/)


And for those people who think I am crazy for wearing a tutu when I run, or carrying a backpack of gear while I run-I do it for the kids.  Maybe that is why I see all of them cross the finish line is because I am willing to go any distance to encourage them and keep them safe.  And by the way, the first aid kit that I carried came in quite helpful on the course.  I am so happy that I made sure to bring it with me for those girls that took a fall while running.  And the music-I have to say my favorite song right now for running with the girls is Beyonce's  Run the World (Girls).  Seriously a fierce song and I realize the lyrics very closely touch the border where I have to be careful about playing it for kids but I gotta say, that my 7 year old gave approval and she yelled along while running-Who runs the world?  GIRLS!!! 

So for mothers day, for all those mothers who came out, for all those girls who completed the 5k, for all those women who volunteered, for the women from my gym, and especially to my daughter who never ceases to amaze me in her 7 years of live...I give you

E-gads! The Wild Rompous ensues

The death of Maurice Sendrak definitely stood out recently to me.  I love the book Where the Wild Things Are.  It makes me think of my own children and all the children I encounter.  I like to remember what it was like to live in a world of imagination where monsters sometimes existed.  I kind of feel like a chapter just closed on my child hood with his passing.  But at least I have the children in my life to experience it through fresh new eyes. 

This week was a mixed bag.  I finally have come to be able to get the girls to listen when things are coming to an end.  Yep, the 5k is just a couple of days away and as always my heart is beating a million miles a minute as we approach.  What will I forget to bring, what do I need to do still, will I ever get sleep in the next few days?  I was recovering from running the Nut Job event at Fredrick Running festival which is a combination of a twilight 5k and then the half marathon the next morning.  Boy oh Boy, you really do have to be a nut job to finish both in less than 24 hours!  UGH.  I had huge blood blisters and achy legs as I walked into practice Monday.  Sometimes my girls are so sympathetic.  Today was one of those days.  Then again, when they see both your feet wrapped and you walking like your legs are made of wood, it's hard to not feel badly. 

Our final lesson-we were a day ahead of the schedule, is about tuning into the right message. And thankfully I was prepared for this one.  I have to work on the timing of it a little better.  the girls like this lesson but I think it is hard to fit it in and give them all a chance to say something.  I might go to having them write their answers on an index card and shuffling them up and reading them off for everyone. That seems to have worked in the past so maybe i will attempt that in future lessons.

I did manage to squeeze in some running.  Actually, I ended up giving the girls almost a full 30 minutes of running and then add in cool down and warm up they probably got close to 45 minutes.  I just had to do a quick wrap up at the end of the day.

And then Thursday-my final time to coach them technically before the season ending 5k.  I took the girls out to stretch their legs for a bit, a long bit of stretching and question answering.  Then the decorating of the 5k shirts. But lets back up a bit here. 

I know every coach struggles with the craziness. What do you do when your patience is short and the girls can tell that one or two specific girls are really grating on your nerves that day?  I have no clue yet but I am taking extra efforts to just take deep breaths and remain calm.  Trying to use positive statements to encourage the good behavior than the negative statements that makes the girl feel badly. 

Such is life I guess. 

The girls were wonderful though.  One girl didn't get a shirt in the pile.  I always always count everything when I get it and this season I was complacent.  Super fail.  So I gave the girl my shirt for decorating and got a new one from the director!  PS-the people who organize my districts Girls on the Run truly Rock.  Seriously, they all amaze me with all the hard work and effort they put into making sure the girls and coaches succeed.

So I guess I leave you to ponder whether or not I succeed in getting all my girls to show up for the event, to finish the event, for me to not lose my mind, and/or forget something (including my own daughter!) on saturday morning.  

Bullies vs Friends

“Bullies are always cowards at heart and may be credited with a pretty safe instinct in scenting their prey.” Anna Julia Cooper

 Oh those final weeks of coaching are bittersweet.  The head coaches or people who make it to every practice will understand this best.  It's not that I don't love every second of coaching, well OK, not every second but you get the idea.  It is more that when you have a day where you are sick, tired or sore and just want to go home that it takes a lot to remember why you signed up for this.  Lessons teaching kids about bullying is a great reason to keep coming back. I love that they save this for towards the end of the season so it keeps me coming every practice.

But we are hitting the end of my endurance.  Its like running a race and I am in that last mile where it is all about the make it or break it mentality.  This season is different too because it is also almost the end of the school year so I think the kids are anxious too about being done. 

Last season learning about bullying and choosing our own friends was sort of a hard concept for me to teach. Mostly because I get kind of emotional and learning to keep that in check so that I am focusing on the girls emotions was something I had to learn.  I handled it last season, this season I was good going in there.  Keeping the girls focused. 

Funnier is that I have come to tolerate less of the lack of listening.  I will ask a question and a girl will have her hand shoot up but then not know what I asked or she wants to answer this big long lecture.  I recognize the behavior as a way to earn positive comments from me but it was distracting and taking away from the girls getting to run and stretch.  So I had to put my foot down finally.  If within 2-3 words I can tell the girl is going to just start talking about her weekend, book she read or her sibling, I politely stop her and ask how she was relating that to the question.  She will answer, oh, it has nothing to do with the lesson, I just wanted to talk about .....fill in the blank....! 

I tell them that we can talk after practice if they have time but that we need to focus.  It seems to be working.  A few girls are catching on very quickly. 

You know, I wonder what the parents must think of me. Some of them have gotten to know me quite well and have heard my snarkiness that I usually hide from the kids.  Some parents I am just getting to know finally.  I know that most of them appreciate that I volunteer for this program. I know that when I started last season, one of the parents asked me how much I earned as a coach and I laughed.  Told them I was a volunteer. I get paid in smiles and watching the girls achieve something they never thought possible.

Anyways, it was great last week having cooler days for running. And as we get closer to the 5k (just a week away) you can see the focus in the girls' eyes.

The thing that made me happiest-girls speaking up that had been so quiet most of the season.  Girls making new friends and working together that didn't know each other that well before.  And some girls stepping up as leaders that weren't always before.

A little insight

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.

- Helen Keller

An early blog because my sister pointed out something that I had never really thought about until she got to see what a practice is like for me. It was wonderful that she could step in and be there when the assistant coach needed to stay home with her child.  She even brought my 4 year old niece who is such a little bundle of joy and loved all the attention.

The kids on the team are great in my opinion.  Then again I am oddly used to them.  I know a lot of their personalities well enough so that I adjust as best as I can.  I have my super happy positive girls that always want to keep things on the up and up.  I have a couple of girls who have hit the age of puberty and they get a little surly some days.  I have the girls who I swear have A.D.D or just have a diet high in sugar.  I have the quiet girls who rarely speak up so when they raise their hands I make it a point to give them a chance to say something to the group. I have girls that are peace keepers, fighters, and everything in between.  And my sister was stunned!

She came over to my house for dinner last night after practice and as we sat there eating she started commenting on how she didn't realize how patient I had to be some days.  You see, she got to see it all, when the girls were behaving and listening and participating to the opposite end where at one point I authoritatively said "one" really loudly.  I have a two year old and the "One, Two, Three" count is great for getting her to cooperate without having to yell constantly at her and gives her the indication that mommy is being serious now.  I laughed inside when I said "One" and the entire team went dead silent! 

It had to do with the fact that one of the groups was being extra chatty.  Granted I was really happy because it means the group was getting along.  But if you could have seen the looks on all the girls faces.  It was priceless. 

The funnier thing is I hadn't paid attention to how many times I might tell a girl to move, stop doing something or some how 'discipline' her and never lose track of what I was doing with the girls.  It goes something like this:

Coach Jillianne is teaching lesson....

Girl gets up and starts dancing around and singing (yes, this has really happened)

Teaching teaching *dancing Teaching

"Girl, Sit down next to me" Teaching teaching teaching.....no more dancing

I mean literally I will almost interrupt myself, say that short statement, and then keep going with the rest of the lesson.  Its sort of hilarious. 

But all in all, I guess I never realize how much more patient I have become, especially with my own kids at home.  It isn't to say I am some saint, far from it, I have days where I have to walk away for a second so that I can take a deep breath or I will talk to the assistant coach and just say, "Am I crazy or is 'Girl' being particularly difficult today?" .  I think just knowing that someone else recognizes my struggle makes it easier for me. 

But there definitely needs to be a big thanks to my assistant coaches who have given me immeasurable support in helping me to remain calm.

And a huge thanks for my sister for coming out and helping with the girls so they didn't have to have practice cancelled.

Practice Makes Perfect-Or at least Close!

Thursday is national take your child to work day, so schools are closed meaning, no practice.  Crud.  The girls have already missed a bunch because of spring break, Easter holiday, and now this...nope, not gonna let this stand.  After a mass consensus from the parents that they can all bring their girls to practice on Wednesday we realize that it will be the closest I can get to a full team attendance in a while.  So I take advantage and schedule their practice 5k for this day.

The school is really supportive of Girls on the Run so they had no issue with me holding a practice outside my normal schedule.  They even helped make announcements at the end of the school day to remind the girls to go directly to the field for practice. 

I was super excited and nervous.  I always am, because I am sure I am going to forget something important on the race day.  Seriously, I am like a panicked mother over these kids.  I got off work early, and rush to the school and I am sure I look crazy hauling food, posters, materials, etc....up to the field.  The teachers just sort of smile and let me be. 

So after all is said and done, parents start trickling in as the girls come to practice. The parents are great at cheering kids on and it really is amazing how the girls will try a little harder. 

So you all know that part of us that is embarrassed to do anything overly silly in front of our peers?  We all suffer from being afraid of just letting go and being a kid at heart.  I find this more difficult that people will believe but I try not to let the girls see it.  And I tell them all that I have a new Energy award for them to try out.  They have been wanting new ones and so I spent some time looking for one for them.  I ran across this gem

http://lavieenorange.wordpress.com/2012/04/05/a-year-of-going-bananas/

and I started smiling and giggling at my seat when I watched it on my lunch break.  I thought this was a perfect energy award for kids.  So I set the girls in a circle and we warm up and stretch.  To get them excited and smling I get into the middle of the circle and start the cheer and to my surpise all the girls do it with me with smiling faces.  I kind of hope they know I wish I could thank them because my peers are their parents and I must admit that I was feeling a little bashful about doing this in front of them. 

So warm up, stretch, cheer -all check.  And we set the girls off running.  I actually plant myself at the other end of the field so that they have my silly self there cheering them on.  I always run faster with an audience and I feel like they do the same.  Everything goes according to plan.  The girls run, I dance and make signs for them and cheer for them as they run by, parents keep coming to watch and cheer the girls on, and we have a pretty successful 5k.  I think more than half the girls get all the laps they need for a 5k.  And everyone else gets very close.  Considering they really only get 40 minutes of practice to accomplish this, it's very impressive.

And in true fashion they all have race bibs, there is a water table with volunteers helping, there is bagels, bananas, and other snacks, including cupcakes for the girls as a little post event celebration, and the girls do an amazing job. 

I think my favorite part was during the cool down stretch how the girls were able to do a lot of it on their own as a team.  Counting for the stretch together, suggesting extra stretches to add, and just being super well behaved and cheerful.  I like seeing how proud they are about running. 

It wasn't till I got home and I had a little bit of sadness come over me.  5 of my girls are going to middle school next year and this was the last time I will get to be their coach for a 5k.  Holy cow, I only have a couple more weeks before they move up.  And I realize this has been the best year of my life  and I owe a large part of it to coaching these kids over the past year. 

But I am excited to watch these kids grow up and see the amazing things they do with their lives.  I mean, shoot, there are adults who wont even try to accomplish something as difficult as a 5k and these girls are well on their way or have already accomplished it more than once.

I am so happy that this program exists.

Gossip Mongers

"The most destructive force in the universe is gossip" ~Peter Hwang

Monday's lesson was gossip.  Something we are all guilty of at least once in our life.  I particularly like the set of lessons we are on because I learn myself even as an adult to pay more attention to my actions and words.  I think my friend's quote is perfect for this, because gossip is destructive to everyone involved.  My team struggles to focus on negatives during the lessons.  They really dislike it and would rather focus on the positive things they can do instead.  I kind of wonder if its that hopeful optimism that we all wish we had that all the kids at this age have.  I notice the 5th graders are starting to get these lessons a little differently as they are starting to transition in just a few more weeks from elementary school to middle school.  I almost feel badly for them as I know and remember the gossip mongers of middle school.  Middle school is mildly full of nightmarish memories for so many of us, including me.

I am glad that the girls try hard to talk about how there can be good gossip but I tell them our focus today is the negative gossip and its effects and how we can control it ourselves using methods that we have.  

So we had our first 'rain' day.  If you read my blog from last season you can tell that I had to learn to accommodate weeks of indoor training.  It was hard on the girls and myself missing being outdoors.  I am not a wimp, I can run in cold or rain myself but not both.  And I didn't want to risk getting these kids sick so I made sure to be protective when it was raining.

I started training at a new gym called Crazy88's.  I fell in love with the Brazilian JuJitsu classes and boot camp courses.  And what I really loved is that it has given me ideas of cardio and muscle building exercises that can be done indoors without weights.  I hate to say I have been stealing my workout ideas for my team from a gym that teaches MMA.  Almost seems like it might be too intense but the girls love it.  I do simple exercises like running in place, jumps, squats, planks, etc...  I also make sure to give them alternate ways to do something if they are unable to do a specific move.  I have one girl who has been trying so hard but she is physically not able to do certain moves and so I usually try to put her next to me so that I can give her the alternate and encourage her for the effort she is putting forward.  I am also super aware of the girls' form so I will correct it when I can because the last thing I want is an injury.

So after wearing the girls out for 25 minutes we did our lesson of gossip.  I like this, as I already stated, but it bears repeating.  I think it is human nature in a way to spread gossip.  We are not intentionally trying to hurt anyone but we are just social beings that like to talk and be heard and gossip is the best way to garner someone's full attention.

Funny thing is a had a really bad bruise on my arm from working out.  The girls were kind of worried about me and I had to go through the whole story about it with them.  I used this to my advantage and said the following, "What if after this story one of you decided to tell an adult like your teacher or parent that Coach Jillianne got beat up by a boy and her arms are covered in bruises, but you left off the part that it was during her training in a controlled setting where an instructor was watching over and its just the nature of a full contact sport". The girls said,  it wouldn't be too bad.  I went through a series of gossip chain stringing from this initial line said to an adult:

Person 1-Coach Jillianne is covered in bruises from being beat up by a boy
Person 2-I heard Coach Jillianne is getting beat up and is covered in bruises
Person 3-I heard Coach Jillianne is talking to the girls about being abused by a guy because they saw her bruises
Person 4-I heard Coach Jillianne is in danger because one of her girls on the team saw her covered in bruises and she heard it was some guy that hit her
Person 5-I heard Coach Jillianne is getting beat up by her boyfriend and she is just playing it off to the girls that she coaches
Person 6-I heard Coach Jillianne and her daughters are in an abusive situation....

Now the gossip has grown dangerous because now Coach Jillianne and her daughters seem to be in danger and a person who is not aware of the truth might try to step in and protect her daughters from what looks to be an abusive situation and Jillianne has the bruises to prove it.

I think the girls really understood at this point the dangers of Gossip.  We did other activities that showed them why it can be such a negative behavior but the thing that really stuck with them was that the effects of their gossip could hurt people.

So in closing, for this days activities I leave you all with this thought.  You can be the source for gossip or you can be the solution.