I went running last night (surprise surprise) but if you knew how tired I was, how much I have been struggling with breathing in the heavily pollinated air thick and muggy over our beautifully hot weekend, and that I had just returned home from a BBQ where my friends generously supplied me with amazing food and beer...you would understand why last night was such a struggle to lace up my shoes. But inspiration comes in the funniest forms some days.
So as I started my run and immediately knew that my workout from the day before and being on my feet all day had left my legs stiff and heavy, I knew I wasn't going to get far. I actually almost admitted defeat immediately. Thinking that my couch looked so much more appealing now than it ever did. I kept moving forward though, not letting myself turn around saying...I will just go to the pool and back, then, I will just go to the turnabout and back, and then as I neared the turnabout I felt something loosen in my legs and it was like my stride came back. My breathing relaxed, my muscles felt long again, and my resolve grew stronger.
And there was a moment when I knew what I was thinking about that kept me going. The women in my family. Specifically my Aunt Diane and my Grandma Marie. You see, they might might not like that I write this but the truth is that they have struggled with obesity for as many years as I have known them. I personally don't ever remember them not being overweight. I haven't seen my aunt in years face to face but I grew up living a portion of my life with my grandmother. She is so very dear to me. She taught me to love food, gardening, birds, nature, beaches, books, and math. Yep, I learned to love math from a woman in my family who grew up with a generation where girls were too 'stupid' to get math. Talk about an amazing role model to grow up with. She can literally walk into a store with $20 and walk out with enough stuff to cook meals for a week. I don't know how she does it but she knows how to work with very little. I guess growing up pretty much near the poverty line, getting pregnant early and people judging her, and all the hardships in her life and coming out on this side as one of the most kind hearted giving individuals, she is who I strive to be like every day.
But I thought about her and my aunt in a different way last night as I ran thinking of all sorts of struggles that they exemplify in all women I know. They put their families first and foremost taking care of their children to the best of their ability. You want to know the measure of a great woman, just check out her kids and you will know that they are a direct reflection on their parent. Both my mother and her sister are smart, kind, would give you the shirt off their back if you needed it. And They both have put others first in their lives before their own health.
And now I worry about all three of those women. I want my girls to grow up knowing such amazing women in their lives. Strong and smart and different than what the world told them to be. And in a funny way, it was through their struggle that I decided to make the choice to take care of my body now. While I ran last night and thought about that 8 lbs that I want to lose so badly, I thought about all the pain my body has to go through and how hard it is just to lose 8 lbs. And that is what triggered the thoughts of my grandmother and aunt. They are 20-40 years older than myself, their bodies already struggling to let them exercise, bad eating habits over decades, and they have much more weight to lose than I do. I felt selfish struggling with my 8 lbs and thinking how I wanted just to skip the rest of my run and go home and eat some chocolate and realized, I wonder how many times they feel like this. This is just too hard, I might as well just go home and eat dinner/snack. And yet, I know that recently they have taken their first steps to start taking care of themselves.
I see posts and updates from my aunt now on facebook talking about her swimming and elliptical that she is training on. I think about how hard it has to be to take those first steps and then keep moving forward. I have friends all the time that start workout plans, ideas but eventually let them fall to the way side for partying, drinking, kids, work, life in general. And I keep hoping that my family will not let that happen to them. I am their number one cheerleader in their corner. Screaming as loud as I can, "You CAN do this". Do you know how amazing that would be to show my daughters how the women in my family just don't accept defeat.
So I finished my run last night and was walking my cool down home through the path near my house and the song came on my ipod. Shake it Off by Florence and the Machine. And at that moment I got to see the entire footpath sparkle with first fire flies of summer and I thought to myself ...I can go just a little bit further and started running again and listening and enjoying the moment and thinking, I hope the women in my family achieve their goals for a healthier life. I hope they see that they inspire me to do so much of what I do so that my girls will have a strong role model too. And I hope they know how much their children appreciate that sacrifices they made in their lives for us (I am sure my siblings and cousins would agree) and that we all just want them to be healthy and happy.
So as I watched the path twinkle and will hold onto the peaceful moment forever, and listening to a song that I am sure the women in my family could truly appreciate in their current quest, I hope that each day brings us all closer to the day when I can take my grandmother on her life long dream to hike the Appalachian trail. Something I have wanted to do with her since she told me at 10 years old that it is a dream of hers.
So Aunt Diane, Grandma, and Mom, this song goes out to you in hopes that when it really is hard and you want to quit, that you know I find so much inspiration in you.
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